​My Friday night date night? Our big night in the city was spent at my chiropractor, who held a movie screening for the bestselling, award-winning iTunes documentary, Heal. Heal, stars some of the world’s leading scientists as well as spiritual teachers, including Deepak Chopra, Bruce Lipton, Marianne Williamson, Michael Beckwith, Joan Borysenko and more.

If you’re a leadership or executive coach, I have five surprises for you. If you’re a health or wellness coach, or are interested in wellness, this movie is a more obvious MUST SEE!

While watching the movie, there were several (ok, maybe 20) places I wanted to pause the movie and talk about how the same principles apply to behavioral change, and issues that deal with our emotional/mental blocks in business, relationships, self-esteem and more. The fact is, we have more control over our health and all aspects of life than we have been taught to believe. The RIM (Regenerating Images in Memory) tools we use and teach, can be learned by any therapist, social worker or coach, even without a background in psychology. The documentary inspired me to share these thoughts, summarized as:

Five surprises about emotional work in coaching:

1. When you’re a hammer, everything is a nail. I can only help people who are ready to do the work and want results. Most people who hire a coach or therapist fit in this category. I have used the same coaching tool to help a fifty year old executive deal with business decisions as I do with a thirty year old full-time mother dealing with her chronic sore throat.  Whaaa?!  (True stories, on my website). Our decisions and behaviors are controlled by our emotions. Even the analytic client with the spreadsheet behind every decision (you know who you are), is still driven by emotions, including the need for the analysis! And that’s ok! The process of helping a client manage and release stuck emotions and old beliefs is simple, proven and effective, without reliving old stories, traumas and dramas. So, regardless of the client or the root cause, the process is the same. The emotion doesn’t care why it’s there, it’s just there and can be released.
2. It’s the environment, stupid! This was the title of my favorite chapter in the book, The Biology of Belief, by Bruce Lipton, who in the late 1960’s was an early stem-cell researcher, atheist and super-science researcher and professor. Dr. Lipton, (who has become a big believer btw), in the documentary, expanded on his views about the environment in which our cells live, and how much we can impact that environment. Consider how easy it is to conjure up an image of standing on the edge of a cliff – your body responds and changes its chemical makeup just from the thoughts you create. Now consider the well-documented impact of stress on the body. Now consider that we know emotions occur in the body, and have been doing so since the day we were born. Our early programming and emotional memoires stored in the cells of our body, continue to drive our decisions and behaviors and trigger stress responses and all the related chemical changes to the environment in our body. We can change from reactive to proactive and create much better outcomes. We can, usually in a single RIM session, create a major shift in our clients’ emotional memory, generating a new belief – not just to feel better, but to feel different. Not merely a new perspective or reframe, but a new feeling and belief at a much deeper level. This is just as powerful as the original belief formed at an early age. Consider what’s possible if we can change decisions and behaviors regarding business, leadership, relationships, and health.
3. Clients aren’t broken and we don’t have to be the expert to fix them. Just because the root of a challenge is hidden in a deep emotional experience, does not mean the client is broken and needs to be fixed by an expert. You can learn the skills to process that work without referring them to a specialist. My own clients will sometimes say “I don’t want to go there”, understandable, given the thought of going into old scary dark places in their past. We don’t have to. The RIM process follows whatever shows up for the client and is led by them. Using the gentle, yet powerful tools of RIM, the client discovers how easily they can identify the root issue, and dissolve or change it, in less than an hour.
4. Emotions do belong in the workplace. Let’s stop pretending they can be left at the door. The truth is, all coaching is personal work and private. Most people don’t want to think about their feelings, yet they can’t stop thinking about their feelings. If I have the trust, and the client is ready for real, sustainable results, I simply ask them if they are willing to try something different, they always say yes. And they are always grateful.
5. It’s not about your relationship with the client. The thing is, all humans want love and connection. We can help them learn to connect more deeply with themselves and the important people in their lives. Of course, we can connect more deeply with our clients, and our connection and trust is valuable in our relationship, but it really is not about their relationship with us. We teach them to not need us in this way, and help them develop the relationship with themselves.

We really do have more control over all aspects of life than we have been taught to believe. If you would like to explore RIM as a tool to deepen your skills, fuel a new direction for your work, add an exciting new feature to retreats or coaching packages, or just to enhance your personal journey in this world, join us, or re-join us on a free group Rim experience call. If you’re already familiar with RIM and want review the details of the RIM Essentials training program, click here.

RIM (Regenerating Images in Memory) is an innovative transformational method that can be used as an adjunctive technique in traditional psychotherapy or as an innovative practice model. I developed this method of working with clients after 25 years of doing traditional psychotherapy as a university professor, community mental health program director,  and  private  practitioner. A synthesis of a variety of techniques that access the unconscious mind. This therapeutic tool combines Ericksonian Hypnosis (Gilligan, 1987), Interactive Guided Imagery (Rossman, 1987), and Somatic Therapy concepts; it provides us the language to program the unconscious radar, so we can consciously choose our direction and heal  our history.
 
Practicing RIM over the last 10 years, it has evolved into a completely new practice model. I have labeled it Transformational Coaching to distinguish it from psychotherapy. Traditional psychotherapy is a pathology- centered model where the relationship between client and therapist creates a laboratory to offer clients a reparative experience. The client is considered broken in some way, and the therapist’s job is to facilitate the fix. In comparison, RIM shifts the focus of connection away from client and therapist and refocuses on the relationship between client and inner self. The coach is a guide who escorts clients to their inherently whole center beneath the layers of human experience. Repeatedly seeing the remarkable results, I have come to truly trust the wholeness that lives at the heart of every human being. Clients also recognize their true selves and are amazed at their own power and wisdom. It becomes a healing moment and frequently, they are initiated on a journey of relating to their inner self and unconscious mind with increased respect and wonder. About Learning RIM...

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RIM uses preverbal primary image associations to dip into the well of the unconscious and bring back hidden insights. As Socrates profoundly described eons ago, imagination is the language of  the  soul.  Anna  Wise (2002) has demonstrated in the biofeedback lab that the unconscious mind can be heard in the quiet spaces between the chatter of our intellectual thoughts. When you  slow  down  rapid-fire  thinking  focused  on the external world, you sense the insight of your unconscious. Merely by closing  your  eyes,  you  begin  to focus in the direction of the invisible unconscious.  Try it, and notice how easily your attention shifts from external analysis to intuitive sensing.
 
Research has proven repeatedly the immense power of imagination. For example, Baylor School of Medicine physician Dr Bruce Moseley (Moseley et al., 2002), surprisingly, found that patients who received placebo surgery for severe debilitating knee pain had the same level of improvement as those patients who had the shaving of damaged cartilage and surgical removal of inflammatory material in the knee joint. The placebo group who received “fake surgery” were sedated and given three standard incisions. The surgeon also talked and acted as if it were real surgery, including splashing salt water to simulate the sound of the knee-washing procedure. After the release of these findings, the media filmed people from the placebo surgery group walking and playing basketball, things they could not do before surgery.
 
More recently, Dr Joseph Disperna explained in the movie What the Bleep! (Arntz et al. & Vicente et al., 2004) that the same parts of the brain light up on an MRI when a person looks at an actual object, or if they imagine the same object in their mind. In other  words,  the  brain does not distinguish the difference between real and imagined experience. This is very good news—it suggests that we can transform traumatic or troubling memories and destructive beliefs, and the mind will integrate the new transformed version.
 
The relationship between the body and the unconscious has become the focus of an explosion of new research since Dr Candace Pert (1997) discovered that neuropeptides and their specific receptor sites are scattered throughout the brain and the body, including the immune system. Pert suggests the neurologic patterns of our unconscious experiences are recorded at these sites; thus, the body holds a cellular log of unconscious content that is activated as a default response whenever triggers are present.
 
The logical mind attempts to keep life predictable by analyzing, thinking, and rationalizing our subjective life experiences. As humans and especially Americans, we have learned to trust our intellectual function to keep us safe, and we expect that if we vigilantly analyze the world around us, we will remain in control. The unconscious, intuitive mind, on the other hand, is illogical, invisible, and ungrounded in reality. Nighttime dreaming is a wonderful example of pure unconscious process. Unlike indigenous cultures, we have been taught to mistrust the invisible, so the insights and gifts buried in the unconscious mind are frequently uncultivated and even feared. Learn the RIM Method...
 
The Process of Implementing RIM
 
Founded upon these scientific findings, RIM allows clients to replace unconscious destructive and painful images with positive images in the same way a message on a cassette tape can be erased and a new message recorded. This process offers a seamless flow through four simple processes for transformational healing:

(a) Close eyes, relax and slow brain waves; (b) Follow the trail of images through the unconscious; (c) Transform, edit, and delete mental images; (d) Locate pain as felt-body experience; (e) Transform, edit, and delete felt-body experience; (f) Save new desirable images in body.

RIM allows us to: 

1. Reveal undesirable unconscious images
2. Intuitively correct healing images
3. Write new endings to old experiences
4. Re-do regrets
5. Edit, delete, and transform painful memories
6. Rehearse desirable outcomes
7. Free physical discomfort held in the body
8. Settle with those who have passed

 
For example, a middle-aged widow came in for a session complaining of loneliness since her husband’s sudden and traumatic death 12 years earlier. When I inquired of her unconscious mind as to where in her body the pain of her husband’s death was hiding, she saw in her mind’s eye it was in the skin covering her total body. Deepening her experience by asking the color of the pain, she gasped slightly, and said with a gulp, “Its black, I’m wearing the widow’s black as my skin.” When asked what she would like to do with this blackness covering her skin, she said through tears, “It’s already changing, soon as I saw it, it spontaneously began to change; it’s becoming a vividly colorful mural of life and nature.” Within a month, she had her first date in 12 years, and is currently in a relationship.
 
Research Findings
 
The RIM method has been tested both in research and clinical experience. The study (Boxwell, 2006) involved 52 participants who suffered from irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). They were introduced to the RIM workbook and audio program (Sandella, 2002) and asked to do the exercises as directed. The clients were able to significantly reduce the hallmark symptoms of this stress-related disorder and to increase significantly the quality of life by using the RIM workbook and audio program for 6 weeks. The findings suggest that individuals suffering from IBS were overly reliant upon their intellectual function, and that the RIM program shifted their attention away from overachieving to trusting their inner guidance. It is interesting to note that those who consistently wrote down their insights following RIM sessions had the best results, and those unfamiliar with their inner life took almost 4 weeks of practice before experiencing benefit. Learn RIM...
 
Clinically, the effectiveness of RIM was tested when a workshop participant whose psychiatric background was unknown spontaneously disassociated at a personal growth retreat far from home.
 
Jan stood under a sunny tropical sky, as her eyes filled with terror and a faraway blankness, and she fought off an invisible intruder. Rather than trying to draw her out of the disassociation, I used the RIM™ technique of following her fully into the inner experience already playing.

When asked what she was seeing or feeling inside her body, Jan described, “a knife in my vagina.” Feeling a wince of concern,  I continued and asked what she wanted to do with the knife? “Remove it,” came her response and I quickly encouraged her to do so. When asked where she wanted to discard the knife, she spoke with intense emotion, “I want to kill my mother with it.” After a moment of hesitation, I proceeded to suggest she bring up an image of her mother in her imagination. Immediately, she said, “No, then I would be like her; I don’t want to be like her, I want to throw it in the ocean.” At which time, she imagined throwing the knife into the adjacent ocean, and seeing it sink to the very bottom where it quickly slid beneath the sand and disintegrated.

When asked what image she’d like to place in the space where the knife previously had rested, nothing came into her mind. At that moment, however, across my mind flashed the image of a healthy, strong young tree. So, I soothingly shared this vision with her. After receiving her agreement, I let my intuition spontaneously describe the tree roots growing down and out through the soles of her feet deep into mother earth. In this hypnotic moment, I quietly reassured her that this was her new earth mother who was always there to support and nourish her true self. As she and I witnessed her inner process, her well-rooted tree instantly grew and the branches opened upward to Father Sky as she felt the warmth and comfort of tropical sun on her head. When we finished integrating this new image in her body, she was fully present in her body and with me, I immediately asked her to return to the group activity she had left only 20 minutes earlier.

She easily reintegrated into the group engaged in an art project and drew an image of a small tree with expanding roots and a few rising branches with green leaves. During the rest of the retreat, Jan engaged with the other participants in a new, open way, sharing that she “felt more normal than ever before in her life.” Months later, her partner shared that Jan previously had tried hospitalization, medication, and psychotherapy and nothing had worked until this RIM™ experience.

More about RIM...

Learn the RIM Method...
 
If you want to learn more about RIM, you can order Dr. Sandella’s newest book, Goodbye Hurt & Pain, 7 Simple Steps for Health, Love and Success everywhere books are sold, and visit www.riminstitute.com.
 
References
Arntz, W., Chase, B., & Vicente, M. (Producers), & Vicente, M., Chase,  B., & Arntz, W. (Directors). (2004). What the bleep do we know! [Motion picture]. United States: Lord of the Wind Films.
Boxwell, A. (2006). The efficacy of guided-imagery/visualization and journaling in patients with irritable bowel syndrome. Subtle Energies & Energy Medicine, 16(2), 21–24.
Gilligan, S. (1987). Therapeutic trances: The cooperation principle in Ericksonian  hypnotherapy.  Philadelphia: Brunner/Mazel.
Moseley, J. B., O’Malley, K., Petersen, N. J., Menke, T. J., Brody, B. A., Kuykendall, D. H., et al. (2002). A controlled trial of arthroscopic surgery for osteoarthritis of the knee. New England Journal of Medicine, 347(2), 81–88.
Pert, C. (1997). Molecules of emotion, the science behind mind-body  medicine.
New York: Scribner.
Rossman, M. (1987). Healing yourself: A step-by-step program for better health through imagery. (Bressler and Rossman are authors of Interactive  Guided  Imagery).  New  York:  Simon  & Schuster.
Sandella, D. (2002). Releasing the inner magician, ways to find a peaceful and happy life (book and CD). Denver, CO: The Inner Magician Series. (2016) Goodbye Hurt & Pain, 7 Simple Steps for Health, Love and Success. Newburyport, MA:  Conari Press
Wise, A. (2002). Awakening the mind: A guide to mastering the power of your brain waves. New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam Books.

By Michael Kline
When we conjure up an image up a leader in business, we might see the stereotypical tall, white man, with chiseled jaw, expensive suit, power tie, you get the picture – a sort of super-hero with an MBA and an unhealthy amount of confidence matched only by his lack of compassion. The strong, results-oriented driver personality, win at all costs, take no prisoners, bottom-line boss image can provide a sense of comfort to employees, investors and clients alike, especially when feeling anxious about the future. It makes sense to our primal nature that a strong leader can solve our problems and keep us safe.
 
No offense to tall people or nice suits, I happen to like both. The problem with becoming a leader (boss), or choosing our leaders with this mindset, is that our tribe isn’t fighting off wild animals and other invading tribes. Of course we all feel fearful at times, and of course it’s natural to respond to fear from the reptilian part of our brain that says we need power or protection to overcome whatever it is we fear.
 
A research team at Cornell University studied the leadership styles, backgrounds and track records of 72 senior executives across 31 companies and concluded that harsh, hard-driving, executives actually diminish the bottom line, while self-aware leaders with strong interpersonal skills produced better financial results. “Bully traits that are often seen as part of a business-building culture were typically signs of incompetence and lack of strategic intellect. Such weaknesses as being arrogant, too direct or impatient and stubborn, correlated with low ratings for delivering financial results, business/technical acumen, strategic intellect, and, not surprisingly, managing talent, inspiring followership, and being a team player.”  There is a better way.
 
While Self-awareness get little attention in the business world, the Cornell study reveals that it should actually be a top concern. High self-awareness scores were the best predictor of overall success. It makes sense that executives who are aware of the lenses through which they filter their perceptions and assumptions might have a more honest grasp of reality, affecting their relationships, decisions and actions. Further, having realistic confidence and an awareness of their own limitations would allow them to hire subordinates who complement their talents.
 
According to Daniel Goleman, renowned Emotional Intelligence expert, “self-awareness is the skill that requires the most patience and honesty, and provides the best foundation for further developing Emotional and Social Intelligence in both work and life situations.” 
 
It seems that soft values drive hard results.
 
Goleman’s research colleague, Richard Davidson, a neuroscientist at the University of Wisconsin, explains the mind-body connection of self-awareness. “We know that Emotional Self-Awareness can begin with sensations in your body or with your thoughts. When emotions are activated, they are accompanied by bodily changes. There may be changes in breathing rate, in muscle tension, in heart rate. Emotional Self-Awareness in part is the awareness of one's own body.”
 
As a RIM practitioner (Regenerating Images in Memory), I learned this from my teacher and mentor Dr. Deb Sandella, founder of The RIM Institute and author of Goodbye Hurt and Pain. It’s called interoception, the sensing of feelings as they flow through the body, bringing helpful feedback, if we pay attention. With RIM, we guide clients to use body sensing to tap into these usually unnoticed emotions.
 
The subconscious speaks in metaphors and images while the intellect speaks in thoughts and words. When we use imagination to translate and synthesize feelings, a whole-brain experience is created. The results are profound. Neuroscience explains how it works—this ability to change our emotional memory to create new endings to old stories that shape our self-concept, world-views and limiting beliefs.  All the while factual memory remains intact and the client remains in total control. In addition to relieving stress, anxiety, emotional and physical pain, the client enjoys increased internal insight, resourcefulness and self-awareness. 
 
Because emotional work is invisible and intangible, it can seem complicated, difficult to measure, time-consuming, expensive, and unrelated to the bottom line. The opposite is actually true. In reality, results can be simple, quick and easy. New methods such as RIM, can produce immediate results in improved self-awareness, which is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence, repeatedly shown to influence job satisfaction and job performance for employees and effectiveness for leaders.
 
For more information about leadership and team development or RIM, visit www.intus.life/RIM or email mike@intus.life.

By Michael Kline

It’s common to hear coaches say that therapy is about the past and coaching is about the future. Yet, we all know that blocks from the past make our clients’ progress slower.
Imagine the power of being able to redo past events.  We’d go back in time and say the things we wish we’d said, but didn’t.  Sound intriguing?  What if your clients could project their voice in a safe way into old dangerous events?

Like you, my beliefs and attitudes have been shaped by events throughout my life. My interactions with parents, friends, bullies, employers, lovers and pets have all influenced my worldview and my approach to everything from business to eating habits, and not always in a good way. By changing my emotional memories, I have dramatically increased my emotional self-awareness and in the process, shifted many of my beliefs about how the world works.

My life changed in early 2014 at my first Jack Canfield retreat, when I was brave enough to stand up and share a personal experience with about 100 future friends. Jack personally led me through a light RIM (Regenerating Images in Memory) process that quickly and easily had me looking out of my own eyes as my 7 year-old self. With Jack’s careful guidance, I re-experienced, through my imagination, the learning of my mother’s death in a completely new way, with a very different level of support. While my factual memory remains intact, I also now have a new emotional memory of the event and a sense of love and support I had not previously known.

I immediately signed up to learn the RIM process with Dr. Deborah Sandella, founder of The RIM Institute. I wanted to do for my clients and students, what Jack did for me. As powerful as the experience was, I’ve discovered it was only the tip of the iceberg of what is possible.  RIM has been nothing short of a miracle in my life that I now share with clients as we explore new possibilities.

Many clients who come for business help, or who are referred by other coaches, easily discover that emotional blocks are holding them back. I use RIM to help them dramatically boost their emotional self-awareness and shift deeply-held limiting beliefs to create a much brighter future. A recent client reported that one RIM process cleared what years of therapy didn’t. Another client, diagnosed with full-blown PTSD, quit her psychiatric care years ago, claiming each session made her worse. After years of trying “not to think about it”, she came in for a single RIM session and all symptoms disappeared. It is common for clients to rave about dramatic or unexpected positive results. Disclaimer: Let me be clear, I do not diagnose or treat mental illness, and I support traditional psycho-therapy, which offers great relief and benefit for many.  RIM is an organic transformational technique.

I continue to be humbled and amazed by the results of this simple mind-body technique. It’s no surprise that Master Certified Coaches who experienced the process recommend it as a valuable tool to help their clients. If you would like to learn more about RIM for your personal growth, self-awareness, emotional intelligence and well-being, or as an advance coaching skill, visit www.intus.life/rim.

By Deborah Sandella, Ph.D.

Have you ever felt overwhelmed with emotion? 
We all have at one time or another. The invisible and out-of-control nature of feelings can cause us to fear intense emotion and desire to push it away. For the last 40 years, I have helped clients work through emotional pain and trauma, which has led me to an important perspective on our mental health.  
My experience has convinced me, and research has shown, that we are born with a reliable system for processing life’s experiences of pain and doubt quickly and effectively. Our natural curiosity and joy can be felt more easily than we’ve realized. We just haven’t understood how it works—until now.
My psychological technique is called the Regenerating Images in Memory (RIM®) Method; it introduces a new paradigm of how our emotional system works. I have turned away from the idea that painful experiences have to permanently damage us. I believe we have an emotional operating system that can help expand positive feelings and dissolve painful ones.

Research into Memory
In 2000, a graduate student at College of William & Mary discovered that recalling a memory biochemically destabilizes it and creates a window of time in which the memory can be transformed.
It’s kind of like how you unlock the icons on the screen of your smartphone. Push and hold a specific icon, and they all start to jiggle, allowing you to move or delete them before relocking the screen by clicking a button. 
Similarly, we can mentally push on a memory, regenerate a new version and resave it. This isn’t reliving the memory, but recalling a hidden sabotaging experience and emotionally changing it to one in which you have what you want.
When you engage in this process rather than merely talking about painful memories, remarkable results are possible. You can:

• Calm anxiety quickly with simple inner body sensing
  
• Resolve unfinished issues, even when the other person isn’t available or willing to participate
• Interrupt repetitive, self-defeating behavior by finding the root experience and regenerating it
  
• Allow uncomfortable emotions to expire naturally
• Defuse suicidal thoughts when the root experience is sensed and regenerated
• Diffuse relationship tension as each partner dissolves unconscious childhood rage by regenerating these experiences.

Victimizing experiences from your past can be regenerated to create a neurologically grounded memory of personal authority—the freedom to speak and move.

Rewriting Emotional Pain
For example, consider Gina (client’s name has been changed). Gina is in her early 30s when she comes in for a session. Although she is very successful in her career, she is not having luck with dating, but wants to marry and have children.
When I guide her to gently close her eyes and focus on her breathing, she settles into her chair and relaxes. Turning attention to sensing her body, she dips deeper into inner awareness.
Gina’s imagination brings up an image of her fifth grade school cafeteria. She sees herself standing in line, when a boy in her class tells her, “You’re ugly.” Humiliated, she swallows her tears and wants to crawl under a table to hide. 
Now that she has unlocked this long-forgotten memory by recalling it, we can regenerate a new version. First we call in a virtual resource to bring safety, and an image of Gina’s mom shows up beside her. Within the security of her mom’s presence, Gina is free to say to her classmate what she’s feeling: “You hurt my feelings. Why are you being so mean to me?”
I ask Gina to move her awareness into the boy, and try to sense what he might be feeling. She senses his answer: “I said it because I like you, and that’s the way I talk to my guy friends, so I thought it would work with you.”
Gina is shocked by this admission. Never had she imagined this boy might have liked her. In this critical moment of revelation, her self-esteem starts to regenerate as a female who is attractive to men. When she stands up to leave, her body posture is noticeably different from her shy entrance. She holds herself taller and walks with more feminine grace.
A few months later, Gina finally meets a man she likes, and they begin to date. A year later they are engaged—and now are married with two children.
 
Try It for Yourself
Try this technique the next time you are feeling stuck or troubled by feelings rooted in a painful experience from your past. You will find that your emotional operating system is smarter than you think; you have many more resources than you’ve imagined.
Now it’s time to consciously use those inner resources to create your best life.
 
About the Author
Deborah Sandella, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, university professor, and originator of the RIM Method, a heavily-backed neuroscience tool for reducing stress and improving quality of life. Her book Goodbye, Hurt & Pain: 7 Simple Steps to Health, Love, and Success will be released September 1, 2016.

By Michael J. Kline
In our last article we talked about setting bigger goals. I hope you were inspired to do so, because you deserve and are capable of a joyful, abundant life. Once you successfully quell the voices in your head enough to set some really exciting goals, expect to experience some considerations, fears and roadblocks. Most people take this as a sign to stop; as confirmation that the voices in their head were right all along. Don’t fall for it.
Considerations will come up fast and furious. It is common to worry that you don’t know how. That’s ok, remember there is nothing you do now, that at one time, you didn’t know how to do. You are capable and will find resources not yet known. You may feel that you don’t really deserve what you want. You do. Ask any qualified coach for resources to help you get unstuck. If you are a couch potato and set a goal to get in shape, you may consider it will require getting up early to start training, or that dieting will be hard. So what? Just decide you are willing to pay the price and you will. Brian Tracy put it very simply. He said “decide what you want in life, figure out what the price is, and go about paying that price”. If you don’t want to pay the price, you can’t have it. It doesn’t get much simpler than that.
Fear, we like to refer to as F.E.A.R. as False Evidence Appearing Real.  You may fear humiliation just by telling people about your goal. You may find some people who are jealous because they never let themselves set their dreams as goals, but you will also find supporters who will help you achieve your goal. If you don’t tell people, no one will help you achieve it. You may fear failure, or losing money or emotional or physical pain, or even losing friends. Expect the fears as part of the process. Take adequate caution to make wise decisions, and get on with your work. When you get stuck in fear, we have a wide variety of tools to help. One of the most powerful I’ve seen is RIM (see www.intus.life/rim).
Roadblocks are simply things that will need to be dealt with. You may need to find a partner or borrow money, get more education, change your schedule, or negotiate arrangements with your family. Unlike fears, roadblocks are real things that occur outside of yourself. Remember, resourcefulness is the most valuable resource of all. I was born into poverty on my alcoholic father’s junkyard and now I live on the golf course in a beautiful country club. If I can do it, so can you.
Michael Kline is a Certified Jack Canfield Success Trainer, Rim Master and Coach, living in Sarasota. He can be reached through his website, www.intus.life or mike@intus.life

By Michael J. Kline
Whether it’s sales goals, health goals or a goal to have more free time, the rules apply just the same. We were taught to set "realistic" goals, but when was the last time you got excited about something “realistic”?!  One of the world’s great leaders in peak performance, Jack Canfield, taught our signature Success Principles workshop to a statewide group of Realtors.  65% of them doubled sales in one year, 85% in two years. (Experience a taste of this program for free at RASM), I asked Jack if there was one specific thing that made the difference in those results. Without hesitation, he said “yes, we asked them to choose a goal to double or triple their sales, and they did.” He went on to explain “Your performance never exceeds your highest vision”. I will never forget that great quote and it’s my #1 reason to set bigger goals. But just saying it, doesn’t make it so, right? How can this be realistic? First of all, let go of the realistic rule.
 
My #2 reason, is the voices in your head are lying to you. We start out believing it’s not possible for us. Meanwhile, we have so much evidence of what is possible. We see our competitors doing it, but we can rationalize: they have more money, better people, got lucky, etc. It is completely normal to hear voices in your head telling you to stay safe, but the voices lie, telling you that more success means less family time or that you don’t know how to do it. You may not know yet, but think of what you do today that you didn’t know how to do a few years ago.
My #3 reason to set bigger goals, is because it is as easy as setting your GPS.  When you program the GPS in your phone, it gives you directions only after you put in the destination. As you take action and treat any result as feedback, you adjust course and keep moving. The directions will continue to appear as you need them.
After you set your bigger goal, there will be considerations, fears and roadblocks for sure, which we tackle in my next article. There is still plenty of time to make 2017 your best year yet. Join me Tuesday, Dec 13th at RASM for a FREE, 90 minute Success Principles workshop, courtesy of Debbie Love at North American Title.
 
Michael Kline is a Certified Canfield Success Trainer, Rim Master and Coach, in Sarasota. He can be reached through his website, www.intus.life or mike@intus.life

By Michael Kline
 
The most popular acronym to help remember he rules of goal setting, is S.M.A.R.T. (Usually taught as Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timed). It’s time to rethink some of this for a powerful twist.
 
S stands for specific. Nothing new here, but are you really being specific? Vague is saying “I want to earn a living”. Specific might sound like “I want to earn $100,000”. Really specific might be “I want to earn $100,000, as a buyer’s agent, working an average of no more than 35 hours per week and taking at least 3 weeks of vacation”. Unusual clarity of goals is one of the most common attributes of the most successful people in business. If you think you are specific enough, get a little more specific anyway and ignore the voices in your head telling you otherwise; we’ll get to them later.
 
M stands for Measurable. As you dive deeper into the example above, we see we can measure the dollars, and the work hours and the vacation time. If we added that the work should be enjoyable and stress-free, how would you measure that? We might set a separate goal in our personal life area, around managing stress – practice yoga 3 times per week, or walk 45 minutes 4 times a week, etc. Think of ways you can measure the things that will produce the outcome you want. Maybe you set a goal to hire a part-time assistant by Feb 28, 2017, or to refuse listings that you don’t really want to take. Yes, refusing some listings, will help you make more money, but that another article.
 
A stands for Attainable (or achievable). Here’s what is new: If you know how you will attain it, it is too small!  That means you should set a goal that feels a little bit UN-attainable! Set the goal that would be a stretch to attain it. If you know how to make $40,000 a year, making $50,000 is not a stretch – that is just hoping for the same amount of work you did this year and a little good luck. To double your income is a stretch – yet totally doable – have other people in your position done that? Yes, many have. In fact, nearly everyone who makes that income, once earned your income. There is overwhelming evidence that it is attainable, and the only challenge is you do not yet know how you will do it. This is goal setting, not strategy setting, so set the big goal. If you wait to know how first, you will never do it and you will never get to know the strategy. The GPS in your car or phone will not give you directions to get across the state until you program in the destination. The same holds true for setting a goal. The directions for getting there come after you program in the destination.
 
Advanced students only: The A could stand for Actionable. You could abandon the entire discussion of attainable, throw caution to the wind and just go for it. All that matters is the goal is actionable – meaning it is something you control – don’t set a goal for your spouse, child, or boss, to be something different. If it is something you can take action on, go for it!
 
R stands for Relevant.  I have always heard other trainers teach that R stands for realistic or reachable – this makes no sense to me, since reachable is a lot like achievable. Redundant, don’t you think? Relevant to what though, you may ask. Relevant to your life purpose, passion and legacy. Relevant to your other goals – are your career goals compatible with your health, relationship, spiritual and personal goals? Who are you? Who do you want to be? What kind of person do you want to have been when your life is over? Are your goals relevant to what really matters and to what is really worth doing in the grand scheme of things? Every time I teach a passion tester life purpose workshop, even the most successful people discover opportunities to bring more joy and meaning into their lives. Relevant may not be the first thing that impresses short-term thinkers, but it is the most sustainable and impactful in the long term.
 
T stands for Timed. This is similar to measurable. Quite simple to apply, and the more detailed you get, the better. Instead of saying “earn $100,000 this year” say “by 5pm, December 20, 2017 or sooner”. If you have a vision of  taking off the rest of the year to enjoy family time, so you will need to create a clear vision of going home to celebrate exceeding your goal by 5pm on the 20th. When you create a clear vision and tie it to the emotions of creating that vision, the goal is even more powerful.
 
So what about things that are not in your control? Market conditions will either make life easier, the same or more difficult. Ever wonder how some people excel during difficult times? Watch less news and spend more time focused on your goals. For example, spending an hour meditating every day may bring the inspiration or idea that allows you to double your income in a down market. This happens all the time. Have you ever spent weeks seeking an answer to something, then all of a sudden out of nowhere, when you are quiet for a moment, the answer just comes to you?
 
My first discovery of this was way back in the recession of 1992. I was managing a travel agency, selling to small corporate accounts in Orlando. The travel business was down, and four nearby travel agencies closed their doors that year. We grew by over $1,000,000 in sales and merged one of the closing offices into ours. While our neighbors were watching the news and anguishing over dropping sales, I was cold calling on businesses who were looking to spend less on travel. They did spend less, and they spent it with me. Subsequently, I have bought and sold twelve homes as a side-line. In recent years, masses of amateur “flippers” watched too much HGTV and with dollar signs in their eyes, paid more than renovation projects were worth. This may or may not help you sell homes. It certainly makes it harder for you and other clients to find quality investments. In a down market, everything changes. In an up market, everything changes again. In business, change is not good or bad, it just is. Change is always an opportunity to the calm mind with a clarity of specific goals.
 
Michael Kline – A Certified Jack Canfield Success Trainer, Speaker & Coach. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life

By Michael Kline

It’s that time of year when Real Estate agents should be thinking about bigger goals for 2017. Most agents will set goals for a ten or twenty percent increase. What would it mean to you if you set a goal to DOUBLE your sales and your days off and what if you ACHIEVED your goal? Sixty-five percent of agents who completed The Success Principles Training, doubled their income AND their time off, in one year! What would that do for your lifestyle? Your family? Your health and wellness? Why don’t more agents set and achieve bigger goals?

Let’s take a look at the big three:

3. Not taking the right action to achieve their goal. Most agents waste too much time doing work that seems urgent, but not as important as they think it is. They take listings they shouldn’t (at least not as-is). They are too aggressive, too passive or both, depending on the circumstances. They’re convinced they need another certification, a better website, and more marketing support. When we lean into action and use the feedback it provides, we get to our goals faster. Most agents don’t know what action to take because they don’t have a clear and committed vision of their goal in the first place.

2. Lacking a clear vision of what’s possible. The most successful people have unusual clarity of vision and purpose. While most agents think it would be impossible to double their income and time off, they can look around and even complain that they work twice as hard as some agents and they make half the money. That is proof that it is possible, because others are already doing it! They just don’t believe it is possible for them, or that the other agent has super-powers or dark secrets we don’t know about. To believe and hold a vision of the dream realtor lifestyle, to double their income and their time off, to pursue what matters most in their lives and enjoying the work along the way is just too fantastical for most people to hold for very long. Learning to take the right action is critical, knowing what action to take requires knowing your goals. Having a clear goal requires believing it’s possible and that it’s possible for you.

1. Not setting big enough goals. We know that our achievements seldom exceed our vision, so we need a bigger vision. With self-limiting beliefs firmly planted in our sub-conscious, most of us only set goals for what we know we can achieve. Most agents love reading market trends and predictions from experts on the future. High achievers take complete responsibility for creating their own future regardless of the competition, new technology and the economy. Successful agents set goals that are a stretch above what they know how to achieve. If you limit your goals to what you know how to achieve, you’re setting your goals too low. The how always shows up. If you are planning a trip, you program the destination into your GPS before it will give you the directions on how to get to your destination. The same is true with goals. Set your destination, and as you take action, you are rewarded with insights, feedback and opportunities you never could have planned if you tried.

Successful people stop the little voices in their head that tell lies about the limits of their aspirations. They take action and quickly learn to adjust for what works and what doesn’t. Achievers learn to reject rejection, overcome fears, tap into their intuition, and use the power of visualization and proper goal setting. The Success Principles have helped countless people all over the world, and we can help you you’re your team get from where you are, to where you want to be.

Michael Kline is a six-time successful entrepreneur, a Certified Jack Canfield Success Principles trainer, Master Rim Facilitator and Success Coach. He is introducing the Jack Canfield’s Success principles to Realtors in Sarasota/Manatee area with a variety of workshops now and into 2017. He can be reached at mike@intus.life or through his website www.intus.life

by Sal Martignetti
I can’t help but wonder what the future holds for all of humanity. I listen to the news, friends, family, co-workers, and everyone in between and what I hear is anger, fear, hope, and possibilities all rolled up into one package. What I realized is, our current society and societies all over the world are the result of our collective views and beliefs. This is what we’ve created together. There’s no one to blame because we’re all responsible for everything that has happened since humans have existed.

The question is, where do we go from here? Humanity has made great progress when you compare what societies were like just hundreds of years ago, never mind thousands of years. If you stop and think for just a moment about how life must have been only 500 years ago, you will realize that we are far better off today even though there’s still so much hate, crime, death and destruction.

So, what does this mean? Over thousands of years, our collective thinking has evolved into what we consider to be right from wrong and good from bad. The issue is, who gets to decide what is right from wrong and good from bad? Sounds so simplistic, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, it is the root of humanity’s problems. We cannot define right from wrong and good from bad definitively because everyone has different views and beliefs. Maybe, just maybe, if we all just put aside what we think is right from wrong and good from bad, we can see things through a different lens and realize we all just want to be connected, happy, loving, and compassionate humans.

What will it take? I believe if we think, feel and act as we’re all connected to one another and anything we say and do results in saying and doing it to ourselves. If we can do this, humanity will once again, evolve to a higher level of consciousness.

Please share this with the world.

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By Michael Kline
Wisdom says “tomorrow never comes”. Wisdom also says “Failing to plan is planning to fail”.  Of course, wisdom is full of contradictory and confusing concepts. Well, confusing to some of us, and less-so to the more wizened among us. I have heard the expression “tomorrow never comes” thousands of times throughout my life. Such a cliché hardly deserves a serious listen, or does it? I don’t believe I have ever once, stopped to ponder its meaning; either the literal meaning, or the customized meaning for me.
Literally, it is a sarcastically cutesy, pain-in-the-neck expression, isn’t it? To say technically, when tomorrow arrives, you will be calling it “today”, thereby chasing the “tomorrow” reference. It’s like a dog chases its tale and cannot figure out why the tale advances at the same speed he does. I admit, I have been that dog. Ok, I’ll take that one further – I have been that dog a lot! How can we find value in this wisdom so we stop chasing our tale?
What is new and valuable to me, is discovering what I can do right here and right now to experience what I think I should be experiencing tomorrow. Ask yourself what you want for your future. Think about what that is and what it means to you. If you had what you want, then what would you have? What would that get you and what would that mean to you? Then, if you really think about whatever that is, could you not have that right now?  When I do this exercise, the answer is almost always yes. What we really want is right in front of us. Love, health, happiness, joy, are all available to us for the asking.
Working on our careers will take time. Building relationships, making new friends, saving money, losing weight, all take time and we must plan and work and be patient. I have two points about this. One, yes they take time, planning and work. Meanwhile, there is always an action step you can take today to move you in the direction you want, right now. Take the action.  Two, the rewards of this work, ultimately are not the money, the job, the big house or the perfect family. They are peace, joy, love, confidence, happiness… all of which are subjective experiences we think will be easier to find if we had the perfect body, more money and a fancy title. We could choose any of these rewards at any given moment. If we wait until tomorrow, it will look a lot like today. Not only will it be called “today” when you get to tomorrow, as the cliché explains, but more importantly, it will feel just like today. Even when all the planning pays off and you arrive at your future you worked so hard to build, unless you decide to shift your perspective, it will disappoint you.
Tomorrow never comes, yet it never goes away either. It will always be there, either tempting you with either a threat or a promise, depending on whether you choose anxiety or hope. Given its elusive nature, it may inspire you to  look backwards at all the evidence that things will never change, inviting in depression or apathy. The reality is, all of these are mere impressions, or perceptions that we choose in the moment. Perceptions can only be experienced today. Right here, right now. Your life is really just a series of todays. Decide, what will you choose to experience today?
Michael Kline is a Certified RIM Facilitator and Canfield Success Trainer for personal and group transformation. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life.

By Howard Stenten
How many times have you have the heard phrase, “Trust your gut?”  How many times have you done it?  Do you have a feeling deep down inside that is craving your attention?  Are you taking the time to give this feeling the attention it deserves? Do you even know it’s there?

If what Steve Jobs says is true that “intuition is more powerful than intellect,” why is it that so many of us dismiss our intuition as something that isn’t real?  Many of us tend to trust what we can hear, see, taste, smell, and feel.  We value our rational, thinking, cognitive self.  We tend to not take the time to get in touch with our sixth sense, our intuition, our very mysterious yet no less “real” ability to understand ourselves and the world around us.  When we only take the time to notice our first five senses, we stay disconnected from important feedback we are getting about who we are and how we can best serve our best self, and others.
One trait common to people that have achieved high levels of success in service to themselves, their family and friends, and society as a whole is that they place a high value on intuition and take the time to listen to its voice.                                                                                                 
It may be helpful to consider intuition as an untapped place to go for wisdom.  You have the facts. You’ve listed the pros and cons and done your cost/benefit analysis.  You know what you are “supposed to do” or are “expected to do,” but somehow the data you are getting just doesn’t feel right.  You have the feeling that there’s something more, something missing, and something beyond the grasp of the tangible sensory world.
Coaching can help you access this world.  Coaching brings you into a pro-active relationship with your intuition so that you can fully realize the power that voice deep down inside has to transform your life.
We invite you to have a free coaching session with us.   Get in touch with that very special part of you and become all of what you are meant to be.

By Michael Kline
As metaphors go, a theme has appeared in my life this week around shoes. I am writing this from the RIM Institute in Denver, CO, where metaphors are central to our work. RIM, is after all, an acronym for Regenerating Images in Memory. When we conjure up an image, it can be a powerful metaphor for what is going on in our life or what we need in our life.
In business, a friend once referred to my work in franchising as “where I put my running shoes on”. That made sense; when it was time to “step up”, my career “raced” forward into a fast-moving “rat-race”. Life became about “getting a leg up” on the competition. It was critical to “start off on the right foot”.  We “hit the ground running” and we seldom took a “step back” to re-evaluate.
I remember being in kindergarten and the class was learning to tie their shoes. I had a red shoe-shaped card with eyelets and a lace, to practice tying. I failed. I just couldn’t get it. I was panicked and embarrassed about it and would not accept help. Thankfully, my sister Chris taught me how to do it at least well enough to get by, but I may still need some remedial help. On my morning walks, at least one shoe often comes untied. I blame the slippery new laces on this particular sneaker. The other sneakers have laces that are too long, or too short. Maybe it’s because I buy my shoes at the outlet mall, but I have never owned a pair of sneakers that have proper laces! I am an accomplished man in my fifties - I don’t want or need help tying my shoes!
Where else does this attitude show up in my life? As I realized that I am gifted in many ways, I am ready to step up to a higher level; to play a bigger game. I am finding myself being drawn to larger areas of work at deeper levels and I am confident that none of us are called to do more than we are capable of. As satisfying as this feeling is, I simultaneously became aware that at this higher level, I would no longer be the expert and that I would need a new level of resources and resourcefulness.
This morning, a RIM colleague was explaining the condition of some of our clients – they are very capable, successful and complete. They can have a career, a family, a nice home, and they can stroll through life pretty well, except their shoe is untied and they keep tripping! At this point, I was getting tired of shoe metaphors. When we notice something is repeating, it might be a sign to pay attention to it, rather than tire of it. You see, we all walk through life with our shoes untied from time to time. To pay attention to what is tripping us up, is to tie our shoe. As simple as it sounds, most of us continue strolling along, not paying any attention to the untied shoe and we keep tripping. Others, like me, will tie the shoe, but in such a way that is not really lasting and before long we’re tripping over the same issue. What my RIM work has taught me, among many other invaluable lessons, is how to properly “lace up” for life. When we can handle the emotions that show up from moment to moment, we can ask for and accept help. When we drop the habit of believing old stories about ourselves, we stop tripping over them. When we are willing to accept help to pull us out of being stuck in the muck, we can easily move forward. It all seems so simple, and it is. Our belief that it needs to be complicated is usually our ego talking.
I do not always need to be the expert or have all the answers. If I’m honest, sometimes I even need help understanding the question. Our egos hate this. I recall reading about some research a few years ago revealing that many corporate executives would rather spend hours researching a question, than ask a colleague across the hall who knew the answer. It seems we live in a culture where it does not feel safe to show any sign of weakness. Of course the reality is, that the real weakness is the inability to ask for and receive help and to quickly gain the answers we need to move forward. We are all gifted, lovable, valuable and capable. And, we all need help with whatever trips us up from time to time. That’s okay. Lace up, you’ve got amazing life right in front of you, just waiting for you to “take the next step”.
Michael Kline is a Certified RIM Facilitator and Certified Success Trainer for personal and group transformation. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life.

By Michael Kline
I recommend to all my private clients that the last thing you feed your mind before sleep, should be something positive. The last thing I read is a daily inspiration by Mark Nepo in The Book of Awakening. One night recently, he referenced the environmentalist Kevin Scribner, who teaches about salmon swimming upstream. The gist of the teaching is that salmon bump into blocked pathways until they find where the current is the strongest. The strongest current would indicate that the pathway in that location is unimpeded.  That’s great, but that also means the current is the strongest – is it true for us, too, that the best path is also the hardest path? Great, I thought this was supposed to be positive!
In contrast to this almost discouraging concept, Jack Canfield taught me to use joy as feedback that I am on the right course. This is not to say that we should live in a state of constant self-indulgence. Hedonism might bring a temporary sense of satisfaction, but few would define the results as joy. Generally, we find joy in more meaningful pursuits. At first glance, I like the sound of that better than swimming upstream through the toughest current, don’t you? I now think both concepts are true and can live in harmony.
Whether business or personal, think of someone or a decision or situation you have been avoiding. The path straight into facing what is most difficult is the clear, best path forward and you know this in your heart. Out of fear, we continue choosing to bump into the thing we need to face the most. The salmon teaches us that the best path is straight through the tough current and we will be thankful once we choose this path.
Now think about a time in your past, when you dealt head-on with a situation that was bothering you. Regardless of the outcome, I bet there was at least a sense of peace that you got through it. The outcome may not bring instant happiness, but it will put you on the other side of bumping into constant obstacles, staying stuck downstream.
Once the difficult situation has been dealt with, the concept of using joy as feedback begins to make sense again. We cannot move toward love, joy, accomplishment, meaning, or our most important values, if we are stuck in the muck with the frogs.
Go for the joy. Face the fears, obstacles and blocks head on – the best path may be harder, but it is also clear. Consult your heart, gut and mind, then make the clear choice and soldier on.
Michael Kline is a Master RIM Facilitator and Certified Canfield Success Trainer for personal and group transformation. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life.

By Michael Kline
The news is full of headlines about the so-called bathroom law in North Carolina. We remember when this topic arose in NH several years back, so we know it is really about discrimination and ignorance, and has precious little to do with bathrooms or the workplace. There is, however a real challenge in the workplace that has to do with bathrooms and it ties directly into job satisfaction, turnover, engagement, accountability and productivity. The bathroom problem employers have is that their employees have been over-potty-trained. That’s right, I said over-potty-trained. Allow me to explain.
I have many nephews, each of whom, I call my favorite. One in particular though, is special not only because he carries my name, but he carries the attitude I had through my childhood and youth. Michael the 2nd, (whom we call Version 2.0), has always declared that “school is stupid” until he left school and entered the work force. Now he declares that “work is stupid”. He is in pretty good company, including most of his generation and many of his uncles. More importantly, he may have a point. Could his point be made more eloquently? Of course. Let us not miss his point, however, lest we tick off the generation that will be taking care of us when we are in the nursing home. Version 2.0 woke me up to the reality of just how “stupid” school is and how ill-prepared students can be when they enter the work force, or adulthood in general.
At age 19, Version 2.0 explained it this way. ”I just finished school, how do you expect me to make big decisions that affect the rest of my life, when yesterday I had to raise my hand if I had to pee?!”  I take his point to mean quite literally, we control every little behavior of children and expect them to take responsibility seriously. They are over-potty-trained to the point of having to ask for permission to go to the bathroom! We do the same at work. Even if you don’t literally tell your employees when they can pee, do you tell them when they can think, what they can think and with whom they can share their thinking? The more we micromanage, the less we can expect accountability. Thanks to extensive research on the subject, we now know that employees value autonomy. Our antiquated education system, designed for the industrial revolution, prepares students to go to work in factories where thinking is discouraged. Our more modern workplaces require critical thinking skills, mastery, independence and commitment. This should be a match made in heaven, since the top three motivators that employees value most are mastery, autonomy and purpose. The problem might be that we older policy makers are still thinking old-school. We need to maintain control. Version 2.0 has a point about that, too. “Work is stupid” he would say, and he’s right because work is about control. Control kills creativity and violates the motivators of autonomy, mastery and purpose. We were taught that control is everything, without control we would have chaos, right? Well sort of, yes. Chaos invites creative problem solving. To keep the chaos focused on the goals and to have it converge in agreement and forward movement, we have structure. Structure means people can have freedom to think, violate previously sacred cows, question everything and go to the bathroom whenever they want. They also live with a self-regulating system of agreements on how they work together that encourages full participation and engagement that has a sense of purpose.
Talk to your younger workers. The younger generations are not so different from us. What they are demanding is what we would have demanded if we thought we could get away with it. Thank them for making it ok to demand respect and engagement. We talk about the youth not having respect, but what they really lack is blind, fake respect. They have respect for people who recognize their value and voice. We older generations really were only faking respect for anyone in authority even if they did not deserve it. Those days are gone. Let us see what we can do, as Ralph Waldo Emerson said “to earn the respect of intelligent people and the affection of Children”.  In my travels everywhere, amongst progressive leaders, I see a hunger for structures that allow for creative and cohesive chaos and risk taking. There is a yearning for leadership methodologies that create engaging, meaningful and respectful, safe spaces where amazing work gets done. It is the future of successful organizations. I think we need to decide if we would rather lead through the movement, or let our new 24 year old boss lead us through it.
Michael Kline is a Certified RIM Facilitator and Certified Canfield Success Trainer for personal and group transformation. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life.

By Michael Kline
Looking for more happiness in your life? Me too. Even though I have everything I was longing for a year ago, I’m still looking for more… I’m not even sure happiness is the word. There is an elusive quality that likes to stay a step ahead of us, no matter what we accomplish. I am happy with my spouse, my home, my family, my friends, my work, my community and even the weather, now that I’m in the sun most of the time. Still, I long for more of the feeling that dangles itself in front of me like a carrot in front of a mule. I am going out on a limb here, not searching google to find out if, in fact, mules are actually motivated by carrots, because it is distractions such as this that move me off point. What is the point of our lives? What is it that we should do, how is it that we should be, what is it that we should have in our lives if we are ever to satisfy the hunger we can barely even articulate?
The best explanation of the feeling I have heard is from the great Dr. Martin Seligman, one of the fathers of Positive Psychology, the head of that department at U Penn, and author of a book entitled Flourish. He calls it “flourishing”. His research demonstrates that while happiness is a confluence of positive emotional experiences, positive relationships, and accomplishment, happiness leaves out two key elements that lead to flourishing beyond happiness. To flourish, Seligman says we also need engagement and meaning. Engagement and meaning do not necessarily add happiness, but add value. Examples he gives include sitting through a child’s music recital or taking care of an aging parent. Neither of these things being immediate happiness to your day, but they add meaning that you likely do not want to live without. We at Intus, have adopted the word flourish as our company mission “to help people flourish”, to create our vision of a more flourishing world.
Just last month, I was leading a workshop in California. Did I mention I love my life? We did what we could call a “flourishing life” exercise I will share with you here, so you can choose to play along at home. Now, we had about 200 people in the room, who had been doing personal growth work all day, so the mood was set, attitudes were positive and hearts were open. I invite you to share this exercise with someone you trust, and to start by settling in to a quiet space, and taking a few deep breaths. Feel your shoulders drop, relax your forehead and jaw. Begin with letting go of expectations and judgments. Open you mind and heart to new possibilities.
Review these directions with your partner first. You will need some paper and pen. You are going to ask your partner three questions. Take one question at a time, asking it repeatedly, at least ten times. It might help to have your partner close their eyes as they sense their answers. Promise that any answer, silly, serious, or otherwise is perfect. The only way to not get it right is to not play. Promise not to respond to any of the answers, either positively or negatively, or with any comments. Simply follow each answer by repeating the question. If they are stuck, simply repeat the question. Write down their answers for them so they will have a record of what they said. When finished with the first question with at least ten answers, take a breath and move on to the next questions. Once you have completed all three questions, simply trade roles and repeat for the other partner.
Question 1. What do you hunger for? Question 2. What excites you? Question 3. What difference do you want to make in the world?
At first glance, these questions may or may not strike you as life-changing. When presented in the proper context and asked of the heart and not only the mind, I promise they can be life-changing. Some people breakdown in tears through their discovery of missing passion in their lives. Others get stuck in the head, convinced this is an intellectual exercise. It is not. Whatever shows up for you is perfect for where you are right now.
Know that your heart is a brain in and of itself.  Research has shown that the heart is a processing center that learns, remembers, and acts independently of the brain and sends signals to brain areas that regulate our perceptions and emotions. This is why I suggest closing your eyes and breathing deeply to bring your awareness into your body when answering the questions. How your heart and gut assist in responding may surprise you. Also, by answering each question repeatedly, you have “permission” to give any answer without worry of it not being important enough, of selfless enough, or serious enough. It is like having a magic genie with endless wishes, thereby removing the pressure of choosing too carefully. So go ahead and hunger for a convertible Bentley (I did), a slice of pizza (I did), and world peace (I did). It’s all ok.
When you’re done, reflect, journal or discuss what you are becoming aware of that’s new. I hope you will email me and share your experiences.  Michael Kline is a Certified RIM Facilitator and Certified Jack Canfield Success Trainer for personal and group transformation. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life.

By Howard Stanten

Within the circles I travel lately, I see a wanting repeatedly raising its head.  Sometimes it looks like a gopher nervously popping up out of its hole, looking around quickly, and just as quickly disappearing into its hole.  Sometimes it looks like a parched and disheveled traveler lost in the desert searching for a long ago promised oasis.  And, sometimes, it looks like a young child at an amusement park.  One moment jumping up and down for joy, her blonde bobbed hair just eeking over the line telling her she is big enough to go on the ride!  The next moment, looking wide-eyed, panicky, and wishing she was anywhere else.
The wanting is to have more impact.  The wanting is to make a bigger difference.  The wanting is to live a life that matters in a big way.
It makes me optimistic about our future.  I’d be even more optimistic if I saw more of us choosing to live the impact we are wanting.  Some of us continue to choose the comfort of the gopher hole, safe and warm.   Some of us choose the comfort of solitude where our egos can’t be bruised by the idea that someone else may have a better way forward.  And, some of us get wildly excited once we find external validation, by its nature unsustainable in giving us what we need to move forward.
So, what is it that we need to help us move from wanting to living the impact that remains outside our grasp?  The Native American Lakota people teach us about the Ten Sticks of Happiness.  We’ll take a look at the First Stick here:
 “I am learning that I am the most unique and special manifestation of creation.”
Our journey begins with each of us walking a path paved with the unique gifts that make up who we are.
As we come to understand, be with, and love ourselves as “the most unique and special manifestation of creation,” we liberate ourselves from the shackles of comfort zones that don’t serve us, discover that big impact is more important to us than being right, and learn that external validation is like an addiction enslaving us to our own insecurities.
Rick Tamlyn, creator of The Bigger Game, teaches that traditional thinking is often wrong when it comes to creating the impact we want to have.  Believing that who we are is enough, finding the courage to leave certain comfort zones behind, and leaving our egos at the door, are not qualities we must first muster before we can act.
“As soon as I find the courage I will….”   “As soon I get one more certification I will be able to….”   “I’ve got to figure out how to be a better team player before I….”   Sound familiar??   Tamlyn argues that the process actually works in reverse. It is by taking “Bold Action” that our courage, our willingness to work with others, our believing that we are enough, our whatever it is we think we need to become first begins to show up.  We become the person we need to be by taking action.
The key that gets us through the door is giving ourselves permission to get clear on what exactly is the impact we want to have, right here, right now.  What does it look like?  How does it feel?
Try this.   Flash forward…. You’ve had the impact you’ve wanted…. You are being honored by a certain group, organization, or community at a special dinner or gathering….  What is the speaker saying about you and the difference you have made in the lives of others?...  How are you feeling?...  What are the looks on the faces of the people in attendance telling you?  Bask for a while…. Take it all in….  Breathe deeply.
Returning to now…. take the key in your hand and open the door to the impact you just saw on those faces…. Don’t just think about it….  Stand up….  Walk over to the door, unlock it, and open it….   What do you see?...  What does it feel like to be looking into what’s there?
Now take one step forward… away from the wanting… into the doing…. What are doing?...  Who are you becoming? 

Howard Stanten is a CTI trained Leadership and Small Business Coach
Contact him at howard@intus.life
(c) 603-986-0153

By Michael Kline
I am blessed. I am a middle aged, middle class, white male and yet a minority in my own country. I knew in the 2nd grade, I was not equal and since then, there have been constant reminders. I tried to be invisible whenever anyone would tell a joke. In the 1970’s, most jokes I remember were about blacks, blondes and gays. All were funny, even hysterical, unless you were black, blonde or gay. The TV news would cover gay-rights activists or a pride parade. They showed characters that I could not identify with, and with whom I feared being identified. As friends and family would curse and laugh at the queers on TV, I would simply pretend I was invisible. In 1980, I was as normal as anyone - a Junior Air Force Cadet in high school, a band geek, an honor student, campaigning for Ronald Regan, crazy patriotic, Catholic, working part time and deciding between the military, priesthood, or suicide. There simply were no other options – being gay was not an option. Being celibate was the only acceptable solution that would keep me out of hell. Suicide would mean hell too; hmm, life was hell anyway, but at least life is temporary and they say hell is permanent. All other matters took a back seat to the constant stress of denying this life I was given.
I got into college on an Air Force scholarship – excited to serve my country, a country that preferred I didn’t. I traveled to 19 countries and 23 states during my twenties, but was too fearful to live in or visit certain parts of my own country. The church I literally worshiped, denied my right to exist. I was reminded just how low I was, by parents who disowned me, friends who abandoned me and strangers who hated me.
In 1994, I was Regional President in a multi-national allegedly progressive company. I sat at the big boys table as the good ol’ boys club passed gay jokes about my friend and lesbian co-worker. They didn’t mean anything by it. I sat there, pretending to be invisible, but really just being cowardly silent. That same year, we celebrated the marriage of a fellow Regional President to a female manager in the company – it was called a “first” and garnered much back-slapping. My partner Sal held the same position in the company as the woman who married my peer. Sal and I had done a commitment ceremony six months prior but we were invisible, as we wanted it to be; as we needed it to be. This pattern of behavior was so normal, that I never thought it was a problem. In my mind, I was never oppressed, I never knew prejudice, I was never disadvantaged in any way. Ignorance really is bliss. I just played invisible, played small, avoided further corporate advancement, gave up on family bonds and long-term friendships. All this was “normal”. All this was ok, until it wasn’t. I somehow developed my own strength, and I was lucky that so many braver men and women fought a hard fight so that we can be free. I am grateful to our military veterans who make our freedom as a nation possible. To build on that foundation, the solders that allow me to be free, strong and confident today were the ones waving rainbow flags on TV when I was too scared to speak up. The fighters that make our wedding day possible on the 4th of July, 2015, were the brave LGBT men and women who paid with isolation, humiliation, imprisonment, and sometimes their lives. Death is not the ultimate price. Isolation is a punishment worse than death. We were created to be one. We come from one and we will return to one. Separation is as painful as it gets.
I forgive everyone who hates us and actively fights against us even today. They are not homophobes – they do not fear gays directly, per se. They fear isolation. They are isolophobes. They understandably fear being an outcast with their church, their family, their friends and there self-concept. Perhaps I understand better than they do, what it is like to be an outsider, so I do not blame them. I understand why they would not want to suffer that indignity, and the pain of isolation and disdain. I know many have deeply held religious beliefs and this is not about that. This issue of legality is about – well, legality, not religion. The only evidence that this is a religious matter is the Old Testament, which would mean that our law should be that a rapist must marry his victim, a widow must marry her brother in law and polygamy is God’s will. This is no more about religion than race or gender discrimination, which was also defended by religion – until it wasn’t. 
A few remaining “leaders” are still afraid – perhaps they fear they will lose their base, their donors and their frightened flock. Perhaps they have stories and sins of their own that, in their mind, require some deflection.
When we learned of the Supreme Court decision in June of 2015, we were happy, but it wasn’t any really big deal. It was good news and we were thankful. Then it hit me. I cried. It is a big deal. It was officially declared by the highest court in the land, that I was okay all along. I am in fact, good enough, not less-than, I am equal in the eyes of the law. The real law, the law everywhere. I was born in Ohio, lived in FL, MA and NH. We live and work in multiple states and our families are in multiple states. We are not just Floridians or New Hampshirites, but Americans. We are just as American as any other American. I am proud of who I am, and I am grateful for all my experiences good and bad along the way, for they gave me the gift of understanding, empathy and love for anyone who feels less-than. I am grateful to be strong, capable and blessed enough to help others find similar strength and blessings.
This is a great time in American history. I am so grateful for all my gay brothers and sisters who went before me and paved the way that I can live in relative peace and now with the dignity of legal status and protection of a fully recognized American
Michael Kline is a Certified RIM Facilitator and Certified Success Trainer for personal and group transformation. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life.

By Howard Stanten
Like all saboteurs (those voices in our head that resist our connection to our own greatness), “The Procrastinator” tries to protect us and keep us safe and comfortable.  Those of you blessed with “The Procrastinator” know that the more important the task, the more you will hear from this invasive species.  You see “The Procrastinator” looks for things you want to accomplish and then covers them with a green ooze that smells like rotting fish.  The question I hear over and over again is “Why are the things I most want to accomplish so often covered in green ooze that smells like rotting fish?”
The answer just might be found in the belly of a large human eating beast tens of thousands of years ago.  If we were to do an autopsy on this beast, we would find a human who became too curious about the world beyond the cave, took a risk, wandered out into the dark, and…. became supper for a hungry monster.  In those days, life threatening danger lurked under every rock and behind every tree.  And, when the sun went down, it’s a good thing most of our early ancestors stayed in the cave.  We wouldn’t be here today if they had done tonight what could be done tomorrow.
Psychologists have studied procrastination extensively.  There is research that indicates that avoiding what is really important to us (read also: “scary”) is a relatively modern coping mechanism that has evolved to help us avoid the short term stress of facing our fears.  I suggest that this voice may have been lurking in our heads much earlier.
You see, back then, “The Procrastinator” was a life saver.  “Wait until the morning” was a necessary and lifesaving motto to literally live by.  The thing is, today many of us are living our lives in response to a voice whose life saving purpose has largely become irrelevant.   There are very few occasions when we find ourselves actually staring into the mouth of death.  “The Procrastinator,” however, doesn’t know this.  In fact, it can’t.  It’s hard-wired to be that way and lives in a part of our brain meant to protect us.  “Don’t do it Now-You might die!” 
An unfortunate modern-day consequence of listening to “The Procrastinator” is stress.  “The Procrastinator” disconnects us from doing what we want to do.  It gives that task the appearance, and more importantly the emotional feeling, of something we don’t want to do.  Who would energetically do a swan dive into a pool of smelly green ooze?? 
A vicious cycle is produced when we don’t do what is really important to us. We stress over the not doing, delay further, stress more, and on and on.  This stress is associated with feelings like anxiety, boredom, regret, sadness, emptiness, and regret.  Yes, many of us do eventually “get it done,” but we often do so by stuffing these emotions deep inside.  Usually, it’s another saboteur like “The Fear of Failure” that comes to our rescue at the last minute, saving the day.  Relying on fear to push “The Procrastinator” aside releases all kinds of stress hormones that negatively impact our long term mental and physical health.  We may indeed reach a good deal of “success” in life repeating this process, but the cost is high and the payoff in terms of any sense of personal fulfillment is low.
The volume of “The Procrastinator’s” voice for any of us depends on what we’ve been exposed to in our upbringing, and what we’ve inherited in our genes.   The good news is that, through conscious choice, we can access the volume control and turn it down.  When we turn down the volume, the green ooze washes away. Without that mess covering up what’s really important to us, we rush for the diving board, take a strong bounce up, spread our wings, and dive into the crystal clear water.
So, how do we make this conscious choice?  Well, the irony here is we don’t need to do anything more than simply notice our breath.  “The Procrastinator” usually has us running around doing anything but what we really want to do.  To get to what we really want to do, we need to stop everything and do nothing but breathe.  No “to do” list, no organizing the office supply draw, no email, no watching TV, no sleeping. Just breathe.  Here’s the simple formula for what comes next:

• Focus on your breath
• Deepen your in -breath
• Deepen your out- breath
• Repeat 10 times
• Simply notice and experience without judgement how you feel right now

I invite you to give it a try…. now…. Breathe…. Deepen…. Repeat…. Simply Notice
Chances are you feel less stressed, more present, calmer, and more engaged than you did a minute ago.
For those of us that need scientific proof before we change any of our habits, there’s good news that’s been around for a long time.  Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system which is responsible for relaxation.  When we simply notice our emotions without judgement, we make the conscious choice to “be with” rather than “fight” ourselves.  This “being with” frees us to move forward.
When we de-stress, we break the vicious cycle that “The Procrastinator” sets in motion.  Emotions that were previously keeping us stuck become “(E)nergy in (motion.)”  Our capacity to wrap both arms around our higher self comes alive!
Like most things worthwhile in life, practice is the key. So, practice again……………
Now, turn towards the one thing you’ve been avoiding that’s really important for you to do right now and go for it!
 

Overcome fear, doubt and procrastination
By Michael Kline
As we enter mid-January, many of us have recovered from our resolutions and are back in our comfort zone, feeling bad about ourselves for breaking our promise to be thin, tan and rich by the end of 2016.  No worries, New Year’s resolutions typically don’t work for several reasons. 1. We choose weak goals. The middle of the holidays is not when we are likely to spend quality time reflecting on our core values and life purpose. As a result, our resolutions can lack significant meaning to be sustainable. 2. We choose other people’s goals. Without the deep personal work, we often choose familiar goals – they might be the goals our spouse, friends, parents or boss wants, but they don’t really resonate with us personally. 3. We don’t choose goals at all, we choose strategies to get what we’re afraid to say out loud. For instance, losing 20 lbs. sounds like a goal. However, if we ask why we have a particular goal, we might discover it is really a strategy to achieve something we are less comfortable talking about. Say I want to lose weight so other people find me more attractive – so the goal is to be more attractive and the chosen strategy is to lose weight. When the voices in our head start telling us that either the strategy or the goal won’t be achieved, it’s too easy to quit. By the way, research has proven that a smile is the most attractive feature you can offer! If the weight-loss goal is a life or death health issue, and your true goal is to be alive and well to attend your daughter’s wedding this summer, that may be more compelling than being jealous of your BFF’s skinny jeans.
Choose your own date to begin a resolution and your own compelling purpose do make a change. Ask yourself three simple but deep questions, or better yet, have someone else ask you: 1. What do you hunger for in your life? 2. What really excites you? 3. What difference do you want to make in the world? The answers to these types of questions and many other options a professional coach might use, will lead you to your compelling purpose. The compelling purpose is key.  
It’s time to live like you mean it, play a bigger game, live your larger life… so what’s holding you back? Once you really know what you want, fear, doubt and/or procrastination shows up. The little voices in our head convince us we aren’t good enough. The voices get louder, armed with plenty of evidence that suggests we should stay safe; stay small. We don’t know how, and courage is scarce.
If you wait until you build the courage to do something, you will never do it. We never have enough courage to take action, because courage does not drive action. Courage only shows up as you take the action that required the courage. When you connect an action to your compelling purpose, the fear, doubt, and self-limiting beliefs fade while courage, intelligence, skills… all the resources you need start to show up. I have been experimenting with facing fears – first it was the zip-line, then a free-jump from the height of a three story building, then I jumped out of an airplane. All were easier than quitting a job, moving to the country and starting a business. Still, I thought I was mustering courage to overcome my fears. In each case, I had some compelling purpose to the task – in one case, I was teaching the concept of facing fears to my niece and nephew, whom I love very much. How could I not be honest and vulnerable and push through it for them?!  I hated jumping out of the airplane, but I am passionate about teaching success principles, so I had hired a videographer to film my jump, and committed to use it for my teaching. If I didn’t have a reason bigger than myself, I probably would have bailed on that one!
Would you not run into a burning building to save your child? That’s a compelling purpose that has no regard for fear, skills or courage. A Compelling purpose drives us. The courage shows up as we step into action.
Being afraid or unsure and lost is a sign that you’re doing something worth doing. You will still sense fear and doubt. The voices will be there. Remind yourself of the hunger, the excitement and the difference you want to make and let your purpose drive your action. The universe always rewards action and you will always get feedback – success or failure are one in the same; just feedback to use for taking the next step.
You may have heard the expression “God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle”. Jack Canfield has a similar expression that went viral recently after being on Oprah:” The Universe does not give you a dream that you don’t have the capacity to fulfil”.  Your ideas come to you from some greater source, validating that the world needs your idea. You have the idea. It came to you, not someone else. This means you have the capacity to do something about it. What do you hunger for? What excites you? What difference do you want to make in the world? What are you going to do about it?
Michael Kline is a Certified RIM Facilitator and Certified Success Trainer for personal and group transformation. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life.