as published in Conway Daily Sun
If you want to make more money, a lot more money, you might need to learn how to cry. “Do it like a child, cry like a man” are lyrics from the song Cry Like a Man by Nick Beauregard (available on iTunes). I received a copy of the CD as a gift from my friend Caroline Rochon, a speaker and author from Quebec, who wanted to recognize the value of my work and leadership this year around vulnerability. As we study this concept in group dynamics, it becomes more clear that how we deal with emotions has everything to do with our ability to make money, just as it has everything to do with how we succeed in relationships, health and happiness.
Studying at the RIM Institute, I learned a new method of helping people break through self-limiting beliefs or emotional blocks. These beliefs or blocks could be about money, relationships, self-confidence –anything, really. Emotions flow through our lives gently like an easy river. When we hit an emotion we do not prefer, we stop it, as if we built a dam in the river instead of letting it dissipate naturally. We hold that emotion in our body, letting it manifest as stress, disease, beliefs, etc. Fortunately, it is never too late to safely open the dam and let those old emotions flow through.
We have found that even the strongest, most powerful leaders and executives often carry deep rooted beliefs or self-doubt that influences their creativity and decision making skills. While working with individual clients, I see a pattern of resisting emotions that formed a block in their life. Several very powerful instances come to mind, especially involving strong personalities. My own introduction to this method came during a training session with Jack Canfield when he had me blubbering on his shoulder - a proud moment when I got to teach myself and a group of men and women what vulnerability can look like and how it can build strength. More recently, I found myself working as with a client experiencing mental bocks around breaking his financial and career barriers. A strong, handsome and successful businessperson, David (not his real name), seemed confident in his ability, but could not break through the emotional belief surrounding his biggest goal. Fortunately, we were able to tap into a place and time where he first began to hold his beliefs about money, power, safety, etc. David was able to have a conversation with his father, as the 6 year old version of himself and say and hear what needed to be said and heard. More importantly, he felt what was needed to be felt. David’s belief about money and how it is tied to power was limiting his ability to engage in relationships at a meaningful level. Once the new “past” was experienced, and once he allowed his very brave 6 year old self to cry like a man, the healing was almost instant.
David was amazed that he was even able to remember the incident that brought about the beliefs and feeling he had around power. Upon completion of our session, he could hardly stop smiling and crying at the same time. Having enjoyed similar breakthrough moments myself, I felt especially honored to be able to hold that space for David to do such amazing work. It is not unusual to see such a transformation once we are willing to take the leap. The following day, David reported people asking him if he lost weight, complimenting him on his appearance, as if he looked younger, fit, and happier somehow.
It is through our willingness to be vulnerable that we find our true strength. It is only by doing the work of discovering ourselves that we can really connect authentically with other people. Without connecting authentically with other people, can we really accomplish meaningful work and build successful relationships? Can we live happy, fulfilling lives and careers without authentic relationships? Can we ever build enough trust to do enough work to serve enough people and make all the money we want if we cannot connect authentically?
Authenticity is required for successful relationships. Successful relationships are required for everything else that is worth doing, having or being. Strong women cry. Strong men cry. It takes strength to be vulnerable. Be strong.