By Michael Kline
Looking for more happiness in your life? Me too. Even though I have everything I was longing for a year ago, I’m still looking for more… I’m not even sure happiness is the word. There is an elusive quality that likes to stay a step ahead of us, no matter what we accomplish. I am happy with my spouse, my home, my family, my friends, my work, my community and even the weather, now that I’m in the sun most of the time. Still, I long for more of the feeling that dangles itself in front of me like a carrot in front of a mule. I am going out on a limb here, not searching google to find out if, in fact, mules are actually motivated by carrots, because it is distractions such as this that move me off point. What is the point of our lives? What is it that we should do, how is it that we should be, what is it that we should have in our lives if we are ever to satisfy the hunger we can barely even articulate?
The best explanation of the feeling I have heard is from the great Dr. Martin Seligman, one of the fathers of Positive Psychology, the head of that department at U Penn, and author of a book entitled Flourish. He calls it “flourishing”. His research demonstrates that while happiness is a confluence of positive emotional experiences, positive relationships, and accomplishment, happiness leaves out two key elements that lead to flourishing beyond happiness. To flourish, Seligman says we also need engagement and meaning. Engagement and meaning do not necessarily add happiness, but add value. Examples he gives include sitting through a child’s music recital or taking care of an aging parent. Neither of these things being immediate happiness to your day, but they add meaning that you likely do not want to live without. We at Intus, have adopted the word flourish as our company mission “to help people flourish”, to create our vision of a more flourishing world.
Just last month, I was leading a workshop in California. Did I mention I love my life? We did what we could call a “flourishing life” exercise I will share with you here, so you can choose to play along at home. Now, we had about 200 people in the room, who had been doing personal growth work all day, so the mood was set, attitudes were positive and hearts were open. I invite you to share this exercise with someone you trust, and to start by settling in to a quiet space, and taking a few deep breaths. Feel your shoulders drop, relax your forehead and jaw. Begin with letting go of expectations and judgments. Open you mind and heart to new possibilities.
Review these directions with your partner first. You will need some paper and pen. You are going to ask your partner three questions. Take one question at a time, asking it repeatedly, at least ten times. It might help to have your partner close their eyes as they sense their answers. Promise that any answer, silly, serious, or otherwise is perfect. The only way to not get it right is to not play. Promise not to respond to any of the answers, either positively or negatively, or with any comments. Simply follow each answer by repeating the question. If they are stuck, simply repeat the question. Write down their answers for them so they will have a record of what they said. When finished with the first question with at least ten answers, take a breath and move on to the next questions. Once you have completed all three questions, simply trade roles and repeat for the other partner.
Question 1. What do you hunger for? Question 2. What excites you? Question 3. What difference do you want to make in the world?
At first glance, these questions may or may not strike you as life-changing. When presented in the proper context and asked of the heart and not only the mind, I promise they can be life-changing. Some people breakdown in tears through their discovery of missing passion in their lives. Others get stuck in the head, convinced this is an intellectual exercise. It is not. Whatever shows up for you is perfect for where you are right now.
Know that your heart is a brain in and of itself.  Research has shown that the heart is a processing center that learns, remembers, and acts independently of the brain and sends signals to brain areas that regulate our perceptions and emotions. This is why I suggest closing your eyes and breathing deeply to bring your awareness into your body when answering the questions. How your heart and gut assist in responding may surprise you. Also, by answering each question repeatedly, you have “permission” to give any answer without worry of it not being important enough, of selfless enough, or serious enough. It is like having a magic genie with endless wishes, thereby removing the pressure of choosing too carefully. So go ahead and hunger for a convertible Bentley (I did), a slice of pizza (I did), and world peace (I did). It’s all ok.
When you’re done, reflect, journal or discuss what you are becoming aware of that’s new. I hope you will email me and share your experiences.  Michael Kline is a Certified RIM Facilitator and Certified Jack Canfield Success Trainer for personal and group transformation. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life.

By Howard Stanten

Within the circles I travel lately, I see a wanting repeatedly raising its head.  Sometimes it looks like a gopher nervously popping up out of its hole, looking around quickly, and just as quickly disappearing into its hole.  Sometimes it looks like a parched and disheveled traveler lost in the desert searching for a long ago promised oasis.  And, sometimes, it looks like a young child at an amusement park.  One moment jumping up and down for joy, her blonde bobbed hair just eeking over the line telling her she is big enough to go on the ride!  The next moment, looking wide-eyed, panicky, and wishing she was anywhere else.
The wanting is to have more impact.  The wanting is to make a bigger difference.  The wanting is to live a life that matters in a big way.
It makes me optimistic about our future.  I’d be even more optimistic if I saw more of us choosing to live the impact we are wanting.  Some of us continue to choose the comfort of the gopher hole, safe and warm.   Some of us choose the comfort of solitude where our egos can’t be bruised by the idea that someone else may have a better way forward.  And, some of us get wildly excited once we find external validation, by its nature unsustainable in giving us what we need to move forward.
So, what is it that we need to help us move from wanting to living the impact that remains outside our grasp?  The Native American Lakota people teach us about the Ten Sticks of Happiness.  We’ll take a look at the First Stick here:
 “I am learning that I am the most unique and special manifestation of creation.”
Our journey begins with each of us walking a path paved with the unique gifts that make up who we are.
As we come to understand, be with, and love ourselves as “the most unique and special manifestation of creation,” we liberate ourselves from the shackles of comfort zones that don’t serve us, discover that big impact is more important to us than being right, and learn that external validation is like an addiction enslaving us to our own insecurities.
Rick Tamlyn, creator of The Bigger Game, teaches that traditional thinking is often wrong when it comes to creating the impact we want to have.  Believing that who we are is enough, finding the courage to leave certain comfort zones behind, and leaving our egos at the door, are not qualities we must first muster before we can act.
“As soon as I find the courage I will….”   “As soon I get one more certification I will be able to….”   “I’ve got to figure out how to be a better team player before I….”   Sound familiar??   Tamlyn argues that the process actually works in reverse. It is by taking “Bold Action” that our courage, our willingness to work with others, our believing that we are enough, our whatever it is we think we need to become first begins to show up.  We become the person we need to be by taking action.
The key that gets us through the door is giving ourselves permission to get clear on what exactly is the impact we want to have, right here, right now.  What does it look like?  How does it feel?
Try this.   Flash forward…. You’ve had the impact you’ve wanted…. You are being honored by a certain group, organization, or community at a special dinner or gathering….  What is the speaker saying about you and the difference you have made in the lives of others?...  How are you feeling?...  What are the looks on the faces of the people in attendance telling you?  Bask for a while…. Take it all in….  Breathe deeply.
Returning to now…. take the key in your hand and open the door to the impact you just saw on those faces…. Don’t just think about it….  Stand up….  Walk over to the door, unlock it, and open it….   What do you see?...  What does it feel like to be looking into what’s there?
Now take one step forward… away from the wanting… into the doing…. What are doing?...  Who are you becoming? 

Howard Stanten is a CTI trained Leadership and Small Business Coach
Contact him at howard@intus.life
(c) 603-986-0153

By Michael Kline
I am blessed. I am a middle aged, middle class, white male and yet a minority in my own country. I knew in the 2nd grade, I was not equal and since then, there have been constant reminders. I tried to be invisible whenever anyone would tell a joke. In the 1970’s, most jokes I remember were about blacks, blondes and gays. All were funny, even hysterical, unless you were black, blonde or gay. The TV news would cover gay-rights activists or a pride parade. They showed characters that I could not identify with, and with whom I feared being identified. As friends and family would curse and laugh at the queers on TV, I would simply pretend I was invisible. In 1980, I was as normal as anyone - a Junior Air Force Cadet in high school, a band geek, an honor student, campaigning for Ronald Regan, crazy patriotic, Catholic, working part time and deciding between the military, priesthood, or suicide. There simply were no other options – being gay was not an option. Being celibate was the only acceptable solution that would keep me out of hell. Suicide would mean hell too; hmm, life was hell anyway, but at least life is temporary and they say hell is permanent. All other matters took a back seat to the constant stress of denying this life I was given.
I got into college on an Air Force scholarship – excited to serve my country, a country that preferred I didn’t. I traveled to 19 countries and 23 states during my twenties, but was too fearful to live in or visit certain parts of my own country. The church I literally worshiped, denied my right to exist. I was reminded just how low I was, by parents who disowned me, friends who abandoned me and strangers who hated me.
In 1994, I was Regional President in a multi-national allegedly progressive company. I sat at the big boys table as the good ol’ boys club passed gay jokes about my friend and lesbian co-worker. They didn’t mean anything by it. I sat there, pretending to be invisible, but really just being cowardly silent. That same year, we celebrated the marriage of a fellow Regional President to a female manager in the company – it was called a “first” and garnered much back-slapping. My partner Sal held the same position in the company as the woman who married my peer. Sal and I had done a commitment ceremony six months prior but we were invisible, as we wanted it to be; as we needed it to be. This pattern of behavior was so normal, that I never thought it was a problem. In my mind, I was never oppressed, I never knew prejudice, I was never disadvantaged in any way. Ignorance really is bliss. I just played invisible, played small, avoided further corporate advancement, gave up on family bonds and long-term friendships. All this was “normal”. All this was ok, until it wasn’t. I somehow developed my own strength, and I was lucky that so many braver men and women fought a hard fight so that we can be free. I am grateful to our military veterans who make our freedom as a nation possible. To build on that foundation, the solders that allow me to be free, strong and confident today were the ones waving rainbow flags on TV when I was too scared to speak up. The fighters that make our wedding day possible on the 4th of July, 2015, were the brave LGBT men and women who paid with isolation, humiliation, imprisonment, and sometimes their lives. Death is not the ultimate price. Isolation is a punishment worse than death. We were created to be one. We come from one and we will return to one. Separation is as painful as it gets.
I forgive everyone who hates us and actively fights against us even today. They are not homophobes – they do not fear gays directly, per se. They fear isolation. They are isolophobes. They understandably fear being an outcast with their church, their family, their friends and there self-concept. Perhaps I understand better than they do, what it is like to be an outsider, so I do not blame them. I understand why they would not want to suffer that indignity, and the pain of isolation and disdain. I know many have deeply held religious beliefs and this is not about that. This issue of legality is about – well, legality, not religion. The only evidence that this is a religious matter is the Old Testament, which would mean that our law should be that a rapist must marry his victim, a widow must marry her brother in law and polygamy is God’s will. This is no more about religion than race or gender discrimination, which was also defended by religion – until it wasn’t. 
A few remaining “leaders” are still afraid – perhaps they fear they will lose their base, their donors and their frightened flock. Perhaps they have stories and sins of their own that, in their mind, require some deflection.
When we learned of the Supreme Court decision in June of 2015, we were happy, but it wasn’t any really big deal. It was good news and we were thankful. Then it hit me. I cried. It is a big deal. It was officially declared by the highest court in the land, that I was okay all along. I am in fact, good enough, not less-than, I am equal in the eyes of the law. The real law, the law everywhere. I was born in Ohio, lived in FL, MA and NH. We live and work in multiple states and our families are in multiple states. We are not just Floridians or New Hampshirites, but Americans. We are just as American as any other American. I am proud of who I am, and I am grateful for all my experiences good and bad along the way, for they gave me the gift of understanding, empathy and love for anyone who feels less-than. I am grateful to be strong, capable and blessed enough to help others find similar strength and blessings.
This is a great time in American history. I am so grateful for all my gay brothers and sisters who went before me and paved the way that I can live in relative peace and now with the dignity of legal status and protection of a fully recognized American
Michael Kline is a Certified RIM Facilitator and Certified Success Trainer for personal and group transformation. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life.