As seen in The Conway Daily Sun
Taking advice from children
By Michael Kline
To whom do you turn when you need advice?  Usually, it depends on the subject matter. We rely on friends, family, financial advisors, doctors, nurse, accountants, attorneys, hairdressers, clergy, therapists, teachers, business consultants, parents, Google, tealeaves, horoscopes and fortune tellers. In making a point with new clients, I sometimes ask if they would turn to an 8 year old child for financial, career or relationship advice. They always say “no, of course not”. Ask yourself the same question now just to make sure we agree.
Once in a while, someone will point out that there is wisdom to be gained from children, and they are correct. Most of us would benefit from approaching many issues in our life more child-like; we often benefit from being curious, playful, honest and fearless; all traits a child or even a pet can teach us. We probably agree that most children are ill-equipped to contribute very deeply on life’s bigger issues,  when specific knowledge or wisdom is required.
Yet, I would suggest, as seemingly silly as it sounds, we adults tend to do just the opposite of what makes any sense.  We tend not to go to children as we should, to be reminded of the value of being curious, playful, honest and fearless. We do tend to go to a child for serious advice on finances, career decisions and relationships. How we do that, is by making decisions based on our pattern of behavior we established when we were children ourselves. We turn to our inner 8 year old, by relying on our beliefs about how the world works, what is emotionally or even physically safe to do, what our capabilities are, what our limits are, all based on decisions we made when we were children!  When we were between 5 and 10 years old, a vast amount of learning took place in our brains and bodies.  At certain experience points, we made decisions about things like power, money, men, women, speaking, being quiet, hiding, being in control, taking chances or not, being attractive or not, expressing ourselves or not, defending ourselves or not, sharing our big dreams or not, trying new things, risking success or failure, comparing ourselves to others and more. I think you get the picture.  Chances are, one or more of these issues struck a chord with you. If, in the 5th grade you remember the day at the chalkboard, trembling and embarrassed at not being able to finish the problem on the chalk board, as your friends laughed from their seats.  You may have made the decision or even the declaration that you are terrible at math. You would have repeated the declaration as your mantra through school and into adulthood – I stink at math! You still say it at work, frequently. Is it possible that your brain continued developing, as they do, well beyond age 10 and that at any point along the way you could have become comfortable with math? Has this belief limited you in any way? Has it kept you from making friends with other students you saw as “the smart kids”? Did it keep you from attempting job promotions or projects that require math skills? Has it lowered your self-esteem over the years?  I know students who carried this belief, and I certainly have had employees who use the anti-math mantra to this day, and may people I have not hired because of this belief. Now apply a similar situation to the belief that makes you most uncomfortable – I can’t speak in public, I’m too shy, I don’t like crowds, I can’t sit still, I have to always be moving, talking, or doing something, I just have bad luck, I never win anything, nobody cares what I think, why don’t people have common sense (which really means why don’t people agree with me), I prefer computers over people, or I’m no good with technology, everything I eat goes straight to my hips, men/women just don’t find me attractive, I’m too short, tall, fat, or skinny, I don’t have enough education, I’m not smart enough, experienced enough, or credentialed enough, etc. At what point did you make the decision that your chosen statement is true? You might say it is not just my belief, it’s actually true! Understand that all our beliefs are true to us, or they wouldn’t be our belief, but that does not make it true outside of our own perception. And it does not make it true for the future, even if it appeared to be true in the past.
Today, we have the ability to go back to the time and place where we made these decisions and create a different experience. Like going back in time and redoing the past event, or getting a child-like do-over on how we felt about it and what decisions we made about it. If we can change the “trigger” that causes our undesirable responses and beliefs, everything changes. If you have anything in your life or your business that you would like to be different, you owe it to yourself to see how you could be different.  Ask yourself what is stopping you from making the changes.
Michael Kline is a Certified RIM Facilitator and Certified Success Trainer for personal and group transformation. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life.

The Conway Daily Sun
What should you do with your life?
By Michael Kline
This has been a week about life. It was about the life of a nephew, which ended shockingly, at his own hand. Such details do not make it into the obituaries, perhaps because it isn’t relevant or perhaps because we, as a society don’t talk about it enough. Hours after learning this, I learned of my sister’s engagement to be married, as we struggled for ways to support my brother in his loss of a son. The conflicting emotions of grief, empathy and joy were too strong to hold inside. Before leaving town to be with family, I stopped by the hospital to visit a friend who is, herself, learning about life by facing death. It seems that while dying of cancer (yes, the C word following the S word in the same story about life). My friend is dying of cancer. We are supposed to say she is fighting, she is a survivor, she is strong. We encourage resistance to anything we do not welcome. Many people are stronger than cancer. No one is stronger than death and in the end, it is the eventual outcome for all of us. Let us be okay with that. My dying friend and I believe that we do not exactly know what happens, and that death might be the next great adventure awaiting us. I certainly do not know with any certainty and that is okay. When I arrived in Ohio, only a few hours after leaving my home in New Hampshire, I got a call about our 16 year old lab, Zach, suffering from an apparent stroke. It does not look good. Good is an interesting term. What would look good for a lab who has outlived his life expectancy? Who spent 16 years being loved, fed, played with and cared for? What would good look like for a creature who spent his entire life loving, swimming, hiking, camping, sleeping, eating, chasing tennis balls and assuring humans that they are unconditionally loved? My week has been about how we spend our life; the importance of who we are and what we do. It is about time, being and being there.
My nephew’s death was about life; his, mine, yours. My sister’s engagement is about life; how we celebrate it and connect it with others. My friend’s dying is about life; how we spend it, what is important and how we share it. Zach’s stage of life is about life; loving, living (and tennis balls).
Sitting with my friend, having exchanged many words in recent months about life, death, adventures, learning, growing and positivity, I asked her: What do you know now, that you did not know a year ago? She admitted she knew it then, but knows it better now. First, people do not appreciate time; time to just be; no thinking about anything, not working on anything, not living in the past or the future, but just being. Second, we do not appreciate being there with other people enough. Just to be there, without the need to have anything specific to offer, no need to be smart or funny, just be there. So, as we contemplate what we should do about our work, careers, retirement, house, kids, parents, friends, cars, hobbies, pets, cell phones, or the stress inducer of the day, relax. None of it is as important as we think. All we really need, we have. All we really need to be, we are.  Just be, and be there.
Michael Kline is a Certified RIM Facilitator and Certified Success Trainer for personal and group transformation. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life.