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How to fake it ‘til you make it -authentically

12/31/2014

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By Michael Kline
as published in Conway Daily Sun


Fake it ‘til you make it is an expression that is as old as any success advice available. A quick Google search of the phrase will provide serious arguments about the dangers of faking it, and explanations about how faking works.

I read a book this week The As IF Principle by Richard Wiseman, also the author of The Luck Factor, 59 Seconds and Quirkology. Throughout the book, Wiseman explains interesting psychological studies throughout history. From frontal lobotomies to Freud’s psychoanalysis to Pavlov’s dogs and Watson’s rat mazes, we’ve certainly been on a quite a journey. How do we know what to believe and what not to believe anymore? I believe that we must take 100% responsibility and become our own best advocate for our health, finances, careers, relationships, mental, social and spiritual well-being. As a mostly positive person, I like to assume that the entire Universe is conspiring to make things work out for the best, and they usually do. To help the Universe along, without being too skeptical, I still like to consider multiple sources of information and then trust my gut. 

We have learned to be skeptical of studies funded by drug companies with financial motives for instance. Keep in mind that fear is probably a bigger motivator than money for most people. As often as we say, “follow the money” we could say “follow the fear”. Even today, researchers who make new discoveries and announce their modern day version of the “world may be round”, can be outcast from further research projects, cut off from funding, and not allowed to play in any more research games. It is reasonable to expect established researchers and professors to fear the notion that their life’s work might all be wrong and they could be ruled irrelevant by a new researcher’s discovery. Follow the fear and the money and keep an open mind about the “world might be round” far-out possibilities.

So, can you really fake it ‘til you make it? According to Wiseman’s review of dozens of studies, it seems to work on finding love, curing depression, anxiety and phobias, advancing careers and feeling happy. Businesses use the science behind the technique to increase sales, non-profits use it to increase donations, dating services use it to improve Cupid’s success rates and I would imagine that clever researchers could even use it to skew their research findings in their favor!

One study, completed in 2006 at the University of Washington divided two hundred outpatients suffering from major depression, into four groups. Group A received the antidepressant drug paroxetine. Group B was given a placebo. Group C received cognitive therapy, and Group D practiced behavior activation (Act as If/Fake it). Group D progressed far better than the group in cognitive therapy and as well as the group taking the drugs.  Numerous other studies show that therapy is just as effective as the drugs for far less cost, with fewer risks and side effects. Unfortunately, no drug company has a profit motive for telling you to fake it. Any attorney would tell me to tell you to consult a professional before joining Group D at your own risk. I have not researched the motives of legal advisors, but I like to think they have my best interests at heart, so I am not telling you how to treat your depression.

Other researchers injected nine depressed women with Botox to cause them to be able to frown less, while still being able to make other facial expressions normally. After two months, none of the women showed any signs of depression. You can try a similar test yourself without drugs. Simply hold a big smile on your face and count to 20 slowly. This has proven over and over again to lift one’s spirits.

Doing the things that a person in love would do, will help a person fall in love. Doing the things that a successful sales person does, dressing the way a successful sales person dresses, speaking, working and investing in oneself the way a successful sales person does is called “acting as if” you were already successful. That is the spirit of “fake it ‘til you make it”.

This principle of acting “as If” is only one part of many success principles that when applied together, can make massive changes in your life. Being honest and authentic is just as important. Successful people are willing to be vulnerable and know to ask for help. That is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength and confidence. You can act as if you have confidence, and it helps create confidence. Smiling does make most people feel happier. Acting in a more loving way will help most people feel more lovingly to others. We have discussed in previous articles, (available online at www.klineseminars.com/articles) how affirmations that represent the present-tense, act-as-if, statement of goals as if you have already achieved it – technically, you are lying to yourself. The little critical voices in your head will quickly tell you so. The idea is to create this tension so your brain goes to work finding solutions to making your affirmations true. You will find yourself being more committed, more creative and noticing more solutions to meeting your goals.

I will be hosting a 1-Day Success-a-thon in N. Conway on Jan 16th, in which we will teach a number of success principles that work together to help you reach all of your goals. We will be offering a limited number of scholarships to those who would cannot afford to attend. Visit my website for details.

Please do not take this advice out of context. Being dishonest with others and pretending you do not need more help and support when appropriate will have the opposite effect. The information contained in this article is designed to provide insights into the sorts of techniques being used by psychologists and others. If you believe you have a serious and problematic disorder, depression, anxiety or phobia, consult a professional.


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December 26th, 2014

12/26/2014

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Get Clear on What You Want in 2015Are you ready to make 2015 your best year yet?

It’s easy to start the new year full of enthusiasm and optimism. But to maintain your momentum through the year, you need to set powerful, crystal-clear goals.

The first step to getting what you want out of life is to decide exactly what you want.

What do you want to accomplish?
What do you want to experience?
What do you want to acquire?
Who do you want to be?


One of primary reasons most people don’t get what they want is that they aren’t clear about what they want. Others will recognize what they’d like to have, but when they can’t see how it’s possible to get what they want, and they dismiss their desires as foolish and unattainable.

Don’t sabotage yourself this way!

After decades of research into how the human brain works, scientists now know that for our brains to figure out how to get what we want, we must first decide what we want. Once we lock-in our desires, our mind and the universe can step in to help make our dreams a reality.

Dream BigWe start the process by getting clear about what we want. So, what do you want? To create a balanced and successful life, write down a minimum of 3 goals in each of the following 7 areas:

  1. Financial Goals
  2. Career/Business Goals
  3. Free Time/Family Time
  4. Health/Appearance Goals
  5. Relationship Goals
  6. Personal Growth
  7. Making a Difference
If you have more goals than this, don’t limit yourself – write them down! On the other hand, if writing down 21 goals seems like a lot, remember that we can have a mix of long- and short-term goals. For example, in the financial area, you may have a short-term goal of paying off a $5,000 credit card balance, as well as a long-term goal of amassing a net worth of $5 million dollars. You want to keep both goals present in your mind, even though you’ll be working more actively on the short-term goal first.

Stretch Yourself

When setting our goals, it’s important to include a few that will make us stretch and grow to achieve them. These might be learning a new skill or trying something that is uncomfortable and maybe a little frightening, such as public speaking. It also helps to set a breakthrough goal that would represent a quantum leap. Examples of breakthrough goals include publishing a book, starting a business, getting on Oprah, winning a gold medal at the Olympics, or getting elected president of your industry association.

Material goals are important, but the ultimate goal is to become a master at life. In the long run, the greatest benefit we receive from pursuing our dreams is not the outer trappings of fulfilling the dream, but who we become in the process.

The outer symbols of success can all be easily lost. Houses burn down, companies go bankrupt, relationships end, cars get old, bodies age and fame wanes, but who you are, what you have learned, and the new skills you have developed never go away. These are the true prizes of success. Motivational philosopher Jim Rohn advises that “You should set a goal big enough that in the process of achieving it, you become someone worth becoming.”

Turn Your Dreams Into Goals and ObjectivesOnce you are clear about what you want, write them down and turn each item into a measurable objective. Measurable means measurable in space and time – how much and by when.

For instance, if you were to tell me that you wanted more money, I might pull out a dollar and give it to you. You would probably protest, saying “No, I meant a lot more money, like $20,000!” But there is no way I’d know how you’d define “more money” unless you tell me, right?

Similarly, your boss, your friends, your spouse, your brain, God, and the Universe can’t figure out what you want unless you tell them specifically what it is. What exactly do you want and when do you want it by?

Your Goals Impact OthersAs soon as you commit to a big dream and really go after it, your subconscious creative mind will come up with big ideas to make it happen. You’ll start attracting the people, resources, and opportunities you need into your life to make your dream come true. Big dreams not only inspire you, they compel others to want to play big, too.

You’ll also discover that when your dreams include service to others – that is, accomplishing something that contributes to others – it accelerates the accomplishment of that goal. People want to be part of something that contributes and makes a difference.

Work on Your Goals DailyTo keep your subconscious mind focused on what you want, read your list of goals everyday. For an even more powerful approach, close your eyes and focus on each goal and ask yourself, "What is one thing I could do today to move toward the achievement of this goal?" Write down your answers and take those actions.

As the old joke goes, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” Steady progress in bite-sized chunks puts even the most audacious goals into reach.

Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul®and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.freesuccessstrategies.com 

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Making 2015 your best year ever

12/17/2014

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By Michael Kline
as published in Conway Daily Sun


In our last column, we discussed getting ready for a new year with big new goals you will actually achieve. If you missed it, you can read it online at www.klineseminars.com/articles. Reaching for old goals we have tried before or procrastinated on in the past, may not be helpful. If every year you say I am going to lose 20 lbs. or clean out the basement or go back to school, maybe we should explore why we have set these goals in the past and not met them. Do not allow yourself to make any excuses; just answer the question as to why you did not achieve these goals in the past. Why did you procrastinate? Were the goals something you were passionate about? Were your goals accompanied by a powerful reason? Were your goals really just what you think you should do based on what other people expect of you? Our last column outlined them in much more detail, but we started with three basic steps. Step one is to know your life purpose. Step two is identifying your passions and set them in order of priority. Step three is visualizing the various aspects of your life and deciding what you want, without worrying about how you will get there. The seven areas I use are Career, Financial, Relationships, Health & Wellness, Personal, Renewal and Personal (the have/be/do/bucket list).

If we are setting goals that other people want us to accomplish, we will not be very inspired to make it happen, and then we beat ourselves up for failing. I would argue that you have had plenty of successes throughout your life, yet the failures weigh heavier on us. Let’s not set ourselves up for a failure we don’t even care about. Set goals based on your purpose, your passion, and your visions for yourself.

It can be daunting to set goals that you cannot see how you will accomplish. I hear that objection frequently – “I don’t see how I could ever do that” or “That doesn’t seem realistic”. If you only set goals you know you can accomplish, it is probably not much of an accomplishment.  You could argue that a small step is better than no step, but I would argue back that a big step can be easier to accomplish. For instance, if Martin Luther King had a goal to lose weight, he would not have had millions of supporters. When Oprah sets a goal to lose weight, she has millions of supporters because they were already in her corner because of her bigger goal to use the power of TV to change the world. Your tribe will show up and support you when you create vision worth supporting. Support, inspiration, ideas and solutions show up when you show up with a strong passion for something. If I’m planning a road trip to Florida, I don’t set a goal to just get as far as my brother’s house in PA. That is the first step in the strategy; it is not the vision. If I put the destination in the GPS, I can trust I will get the directions as I go, I do not need to have all of the directions before I start. If I drive at night, I will only be able to see the short distance ahead, lit by my headlights. I trust the headlights will continue to light the way as I move forward, and I do not need to see very far down the road all at once.

Creating your vision is like programming your mental GPS. If you say “I will earn $1million by Dec 31, 2015”, you have a destination programmed. If you say “I will spend two weekends a month doing family activities with no work,” you have a destination programmed. If you add the common “but I don’t know how”, you de-program your unconscious GPS. When you create the vision, write and articulate the goal, create supporting positive affirmations, then make your plan and take some action, the magic will begin to happen. Your unconscious mind will start to make you aware of ideals and opportunities that you would otherwise not have noticed. It is like when you buy a new car, suddenly you see the same model everywhere. They were always there, but now they are in your conscious mind. The same is true of opportunities that will help you reach your goals, but you must know how to program the unconscious mind to do this work for you. It is easy to do, but difficult to trust if you are new to the concept. You may experience roadblocks such as being hung up on limiting beliefs or decisions you made years ago. Perhaps you’re stuck on past failures, fear of failure, fear of sounding foolish, fear of sounding too lofty, feeling unsupported by family, friends or co-workers. This is your life. No one else can live it. I have found that every time I step more into life, the more love and support shows up. Life’s GPS has never failed me. I trust it will not fail you.

You have about two weeks left before New Year’s Eve resolutions. When asked, please say “I do not do New Year’s resolutions; I am working on my life goals”! One goal that supports my passion work and life purpose is to host success workshops. I am making time to do one public workshop in NH this winter, on January 16th in N. Conway. Visit my website for details and book before Christmas to save yourself some money.


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Being Ready for New Year’s Resolutions

12/3/2014

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By Michael Kline
as published in Conway Daily Sun


I am ready! Like those crazy people who start Christmas shopping in July, so they have no stress at the last minute, I started my goal setting project last February! 2015 really will be an amazing year! If I’m honest with you, (and I always am), the only reason I am so far ahead with my goal setting work, is that last February, I was still working on the start of 2014. I felt so far behind I decided to make it an on-going project and by the time I was done, it was almost 2015. I changed the dates and voila! I call it divine procrastination; when putting things off work out in the end – it is as if it was meant to be! So how do you get ahead of the curve with this goal-setting thing? Is it really just nonsense? How many people ever keep a new year’s resolution anyway? Why do we only think about these things at this rather arbitrary date? I don’t think my weight cares if it’s a new year, I don’t think your lungs care if you quit smoking on Jan 1st or any given Monday of the year, or your birthday, or ground hog day! As a result of this thinking, I have made my goal setting project an on-going, living thing. It is a part of my life on a day-to-day basis. This practice also keeps me moving toward my goals and commitments. Today we are going to discuss clarity of purpose, passions and seven aspects of your life to consider when goal setting. In our next article, we will tackle a few steps on how to turn those goals into reality.

The most successful people on the planet, using any definition of success you like (career, personal, relationship, spiritual, etc.), have certain things in common. One of them is that they have unusual clarity. They have clarity of purpose. They have a vision; a sense of mission. For me, clarifying my life purpose was not only inspirational, it also relieved a lot of stress around the issue of feeling lost, feeling like there should be something more to life. In a more tangible sense, it helped cure me of my shiny-object syndrome. While trying to focus on one project, I am presented with other opportunities, or I spot them as they pass by. Some people do not see opportunities at all. Some folks see them like telephone poles you pass while driving slowly down the highway. I see them more like pickets on a fence, passing at high speed and I want to explore every single one of them! Knowing my life purpose allows me to use that as a filter – if the opportunity does not serve my purpose, the answer is a simple no thanks. My mentor Jack Canfield told me that if you never say “no”, your “yesses” have little value.

1.  Step one is to know your life purpose. Mine is to use my capacity to love, my creativity and optimism to teach and inspire others to flourish. In my business life, I always tried to help others flourish through my work, but it was always a stretch; sort of a side-effect of the work.  The more aligned your work is with your purpose, the easier it will be and the more successful you will be. Fortunately, I work now in training and coaching where everything I do directly relates to my purpose. If you need help, and most of us do, we have tools and classes to help you figure out your specific character strengths and passions to help recognize your life purpose.

2.  Step two is identify your passions and set them in order of priority. This was the topic of our last article, which can be reviewed online at www.klineseminars.com/articles. In a nut shell, what matter to you most? Howard Thurman said “Don't ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

3.  Step three is visualizing the various aspects of your life and deciding what you want, without worrying about how you will get there. The seven areas I use are Career, Financial, Relationships, Health & Wellness, Personal, Renewal and Personal (the have/be/do/bucket list). One of the most difficult aspects of actual goal setting is to forget about how you will achieve it. Anyone who has ever been to a goal setting workshop, or had a boss who has been to a goal setting workshop knows about S.M.A.R.T. goals. Most people have the letters messed up in such a way as to not serve them very well. Most people say the S is for specific – good. The M is for Measurable – good again. The A is for Attainable (not good, or you only set goals you already know how to achieve). Some say A is for agreed to (not bad, if you rely on others to agree or approve of your goals - danger). I say the A stands for Actionable – I like this best – you don’t want to set your goal to be something over which you have no control, or can’t do anything about. Many teachers say the R stands for Reachable or Reasonable – that would be redundant with the A for attainable and I dislike both. I say the R stands for Relevant. Relevant to your passion and purpose! For business, it must be relevant to the mission. Finally the T stands for Timed – perfect!

Once we have all these goals listed out, and we don’t have any clue how we will reach some of them, we will want to know what to do next. That is our next column. We will discuss the reality and science behind the “Law of Attraction”, we will talk about affirmations and self-limiting beliefs and why it’s probably all your mother’s fault anyway.

You have a few weeks left before New Year’s Eve resolutions. I hope by then, you will say “I do not do resolutions; I work continuously on my life goals”! One of my personal goals is to host a public one-day success workshop for you on January 16th in N. Conway. Visit my website for details and join our email list to be kept aware of opportunities.



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    Michael Kline

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