A Group Check-in that Matters
By Michael Kline

Let’s talk about the importance of starting your event with a check-in and ideas for deepening the experience.

The two big variables for check-ins are the size of the group and the length of the event. A smaller group or longer event both allow for longer check-in time. Conversely, a larger group or shorter event, means a shorter check-in. Regardless, always have a check-in. Always. Participants need to get their voice into the room to feel connected, otherwise, they might think they could listen to a recording and have a similar experience.

If you have a larger group for a one-day event, maybe it’s shouting out where they’re from, or maybe a milling exercise where everyone stands and introduces themselves to two new people around them. Or better yet, have them share with two people, something they’re grateful for today. This gets energy going in the room and makes everyone feel a little more connected and emotionally a little safer and will improve participation later. If people start the event by speaking anything to anyone, they are more likely to speak up later when you ask for input of any kind. We’ll do a separate article on gradients of safety, but if you ask questions, and no one answers, it’s probably because a lack of connection or emotional safety. The check-in is the place to start building your gradients of safety.

My happy place is in-person, transformational events, usually with 12-24 people spending 5-7 days together. In this setting, I want the deepest possible emotional sharing and processing for the magic to take place. Personally, I’m very comfortable with anything that shows up and handling it in front of a group. If this is not your jam, you can learn deeper processing skills, partner with someone who has this expertise, or perhaps have a supporting assistant in the back of the room who can handle everything that pops up. I’ve been providing back of the room support at Jack Canfield retreats since 2015 and I’ve witness miraculous transformations.

With this group size (12-24), an opening circle is ideal. In fact, I prefer an opening circle check-in every morning. Remember, this is a blend of right and left-brain work. We want emotions and spontaneity, and to do it well, requires a little strategy. If you provide a typical ice-breaker opening question, or leave it to each person to introduce themselves, it will probably stay pretty surface level and frankly boring for everyone except the person speaking. We want to open with a bang. Everyone should know from the start they are in for something different, and they are getting their money’s worth, so it’s time to buckle up! Start creating safe and sacred space from the first moment.

For deeper work, I like to use a sentence lead instead of a question. The responses tend to come from the heart, compared to answering a question, which tends to come from the head. Start by modeling it by going first. For example: “My name is Mike and I’m from Florida and I’m here to make some new connections and explore my next steps”. A snoozer in my opinion. Still, it’s way better than talking about my job selling insurance. We can increase the safety level, by normalizing what often scares people – vulnerability. Let’s turn up the emotional temperature by modelling a deeper share: “My name is Mike and I’m here because I’m tired of putting myself last and I want to learn to love myself and find something to be excited about in my life. I claim my seat at the table”.  Feel the difference?  Your sample share can be something true for you today, or an example – perhaps sharing how you might have answered this back when you started your own transformational journey.

The point is to model what you’re looking for. If you do an example, be sure to point out that this is how you might have answered this a few years ago, or that its an example of things we hear a lot. Then, be sure to do your current, true, vulnerable share – for example: “I’m Mike, and I’m here to share my highest gifts in the most authentic way possible, to inspire your transformation and expansion into whatever your next step is. I claim my seat by the fire”.  I find asking them to claim their seat is very powerful because most people never really felt like they belonged at the preverbal table, or fire, or wherever you are doing your circle.

I learned an even deeper opening check-in as part of The Circle Way ®, as taught by Peerspirit. We invite participants to bring a personal object with them that represents (something you choose), perhaps where they are in their recovery journey, or their connection to creative writing – or whatever it is you’re working on at the retreat. You model your check-in, sharing your object, and what it means to you and why you chose it. When done well, I guarantee that by the third person sharing, the whole group will be in tears, because people have powerful and personal meaning to be there. This is setting the dial at a much higher emotional temperature.
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For the highest setting, what we do at RIM training retreats, is we start with a deep immersive RIM activity. It’s a closed-eye experience that feels a little like guided imagery, but it gets its power in the nuanced way it’s co-created. When participants open their eyes usually in tears, we give them time to journal first, then share. When complete, everyone feels a deep connection and knows they are in a safe place with kindred spirits on a similar journey. No one shares about their work, or boring life situations, because no one’s bio is an interesting as their soul. I have spent 7 days with people, bonding with them deeply, learning all their values, fears, dreams and passions. I have no idea where they live or what they do for a living. People are not starving for networking. People are starving for real connection, to be seen and heard and loved.

If you’d like to talk more about safe and sacred spaces, I’d love to hear from you!

Michael J. Kline is a Teacher, Healer and Firekeeper. His credentials include Master Certified RIM Facilitator and Licensed Trainer, Certified Canfield Success Trainer, Certified Barrett Consultant, and Owner/Partner at Con Smania Costa Rica. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail mike@intus.life

By Michael J. Kline

​I’m a procrastinator – I admit it - especially about writing. I’ll get better - one day!
Just the other day, I sat down at my computer to write – I’ve got several ideas for new stories – starting with hobbies we seem to be re-discovering during the pandemic. I tell myself “Kline, just sit your butt down in the chair and start writing”!
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I sit down at my computer – a brand new Surface Pro – I’d seen it in the Microsoft Store window at the mall a million times - $2600 for a laptop – that’s crazy!  But maybe it’s just the inspiration I need – like a muse, or at the very least an invaluable tool! It’s so sexy – and look at the keyboard and the magic arc mouse – and the color options – that blue is totally my color – blue enough, but not too blue – steely, soft and bold at the same time. I think it’s the color of my eyes – if I still had young steely blue eyes that were soft and yet bold… never mind that. This will make writing so much easier!

So I’m sitting at my sexy, blue, soft-touch keyboard, feeling young in the… eyes…  yeah.. well… I need a coffee.  I make a fresh coffee – Starbucks – quarantine style. Reminds of those halcyon pre-covid days when I’d sit at the Starbucks in the mall and write – the mall with the Microsoft store.  Then I realize my coffee habit costs more than the Surface pro!  Focus dammit. I clear out my emails, as required if I’m to focus. Balance the checking account, clean my desk, and check Facebook to see if yesterday’s video of my puppy Luke swimming has any more likes. (We were at 72 likes and three shares as of this morning).

Ok, now it’s time to write – about what? Oh yeah! I was going to write about hobbies – dammit, that reminds me, I was going to start making bread again. I even got the last three packets of yeast at Publix. I wish we still had Piggly Wiggly stores here, it would be so much more fun to say I got he last three packets of yeast at the Piggly Wiggly.

If I dust off the bread machine and get something started now, it will be fresh and hot for dinner. Thirty minutes later, back at my sexy blue, soft-touch keyboard, nothing left to separate me from changing the world with a few carefully chosen words of wisdom and inspiration. I realize I could use a fresh coffee.  I resist – it’s time to write – look at you Kline!  The very model of self-discipline!  Own it!  You’re writing! and avoided getting another coffee!

Just then Luke (the puppy) starts barking like crazy. I rush out to see what’s happening and he’s sitting in the middle of the kitchen barking at the bread machine that had just started pounding and bouncing on the counter, kneading life’s greatest treasures (flour, fat and sugar), into what would soon yield toasted cinnamon raisin bread lathered with a questionable amount of butter. And maybe some powdered sugar.  And what the hell, a little honey. Who am I kidding, a lot of honey. As the machine pounded and bounced on the counter, I realized I had not prepared our little Luke for this type of crazy.  I had introduced him to the vacuum cleaner, the hair dryer, and the doorbell. It never occurred to me to prepare him for the trauma of a bouncing pounding machine in the kitchen that runs by itself.  He’ll be talking about this with doggy therapist one day. Oh god. What if we’re on the Dog whisperer one day?! I’ll be scolded on national television for making cinnamon bread more important than my dog’s emotional well-being.
Am I over-thinking this? I don’t know. I have to wonder though - what would be different in my life if my parents had not prepared me for the surprises, the curve balls and the potholes of life?  What if I had never been exposed to life’s proverbial vacuum cleaners and bread machines?!  We can never be prepared for every specific bump (or pandemic, murder hornet migration and locust swarm), life might throw at us. We can be prepared though. We can build resilience to be able to handle whatever amount of cray cray shit shows up in life. That’s it!  The gift of divine procrastination has once again paid off, fulfilling my quest for the next story topic – Like a puppy with a bread machine, you don’t need to control everything to be able to handle anything.

Michael J. Kline is a Master Certified RIM Practitioner and Trainer, Jack Canfield Associate Trainer and Barrett Certified Consultant. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life.

By Michael Kline
When we conjure up an image up a leader in business, we might see the stereotypical tall, white man, with chiseled jaw, expensive suit, power tie, you get the picture – a sort of super-hero with an MBA and an unhealthy amount of confidence matched only by his lack of compassion. The strong, results-oriented driver personality, win at all costs, take no prisoners, bottom-line boss image can provide a sense of comfort to employees, investors and clients alike, especially when feeling anxious about the future. It makes sense to our primal nature that a strong leader can solve our problems and keep us safe.
 
No offense to tall people or nice suits, I happen to like both. The problem with becoming a leader (boss), or choosing our leaders with this mindset, is that our tribe isn’t fighting off wild animals and other invading tribes. Of course we all feel fearful at times, and of course it’s natural to respond to fear from the reptilian part of our brain that says we need power or protection to overcome whatever it is we fear.
 
A research team at Cornell University studied the leadership styles, backgrounds and track records of 72 senior executives across 31 companies and concluded that harsh, hard-driving, executives actually diminish the bottom line, while self-aware leaders with strong interpersonal skills produced better financial results. “Bully traits that are often seen as part of a business-building culture were typically signs of incompetence and lack of strategic intellect. Such weaknesses as being arrogant, too direct or impatient and stubborn, correlated with low ratings for delivering financial results, business/technical acumen, strategic intellect, and, not surprisingly, managing talent, inspiring followership, and being a team player.”  There is a better way.
 
While Self-awareness get little attention in the business world, the Cornell study reveals that it should actually be a top concern. High self-awareness scores were the best predictor of overall success. It makes sense that executives who are aware of the lenses through which they filter their perceptions and assumptions might have a more honest grasp of reality, affecting their relationships, decisions and actions. Further, having realistic confidence and an awareness of their own limitations would allow them to hire subordinates who complement their talents.
 
According to Daniel Goleman, renowned Emotional Intelligence expert, “self-awareness is the skill that requires the most patience and honesty, and provides the best foundation for further developing Emotional and Social Intelligence in both work and life situations.” 
 
It seems that soft values drive hard results.
 
Goleman’s research colleague, Richard Davidson, a neuroscientist at the University of Wisconsin, explains the mind-body connection of self-awareness. “We know that Emotional Self-Awareness can begin with sensations in your body or with your thoughts. When emotions are activated, they are accompanied by bodily changes. There may be changes in breathing rate, in muscle tension, in heart rate. Emotional Self-Awareness in part is the awareness of one's own body.”
 
As a RIM practitioner (Regenerating Images in Memory), I learned this from my teacher and mentor Dr. Deb Sandella, founder of The RIM Institute and author of Goodbye Hurt and Pain. It’s called interoception, the sensing of feelings as they flow through the body, bringing helpful feedback, if we pay attention. With RIM, we guide clients to use body sensing to tap into these usually unnoticed emotions.
 
The subconscious speaks in metaphors and images while the intellect speaks in thoughts and words. When we use imagination to translate and synthesize feelings, a whole-brain experience is created. The results are profound. Neuroscience explains how it works—this ability to change our emotional memory to create new endings to old stories that shape our self-concept, world-views and limiting beliefs.  All the while factual memory remains intact and the client remains in total control. In addition to relieving stress, anxiety, emotional and physical pain, the client enjoys increased internal insight, resourcefulness and self-awareness. 
 
Because emotional work is invisible and intangible, it can seem complicated, difficult to measure, time-consuming, expensive, and unrelated to the bottom line. The opposite is actually true. In reality, results can be simple, quick and easy. New methods such as RIM, can produce immediate results in improved self-awareness, which is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence, repeatedly shown to influence job satisfaction and job performance for employees and effectiveness for leaders.
 
For more information about leadership and team development or RIM, visit www.intus.life/RIM or email mike@intus.life.

By Michael Kline
 
The most popular acronym to help remember he rules of goal setting, is S.M.A.R.T. (Usually taught as Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timed). It’s time to rethink some of this for a powerful twist.
 
S stands for specific. Nothing new here, but are you really being specific? Vague is saying “I want to earn a living”. Specific might sound like “I want to earn $100,000”. Really specific might be “I want to earn $100,000, as a buyer’s agent, working an average of no more than 35 hours per week and taking at least 3 weeks of vacation”. Unusual clarity of goals is one of the most common attributes of the most successful people in business. If you think you are specific enough, get a little more specific anyway and ignore the voices in your head telling you otherwise; we’ll get to them later.
 
M stands for Measurable. As you dive deeper into the example above, we see we can measure the dollars, and the work hours and the vacation time. If we added that the work should be enjoyable and stress-free, how would you measure that? We might set a separate goal in our personal life area, around managing stress – practice yoga 3 times per week, or walk 45 minutes 4 times a week, etc. Think of ways you can measure the things that will produce the outcome you want. Maybe you set a goal to hire a part-time assistant by Feb 28, 2017, or to refuse listings that you don’t really want to take. Yes, refusing some listings, will help you make more money, but that another article.
 
A stands for Attainable (or achievable). Here’s what is new: If you know how you will attain it, it is too small!  That means you should set a goal that feels a little bit UN-attainable! Set the goal that would be a stretch to attain it. If you know how to make $40,000 a year, making $50,000 is not a stretch – that is just hoping for the same amount of work you did this year and a little good luck. To double your income is a stretch – yet totally doable – have other people in your position done that? Yes, many have. In fact, nearly everyone who makes that income, once earned your income. There is overwhelming evidence that it is attainable, and the only challenge is you do not yet know how you will do it. This is goal setting, not strategy setting, so set the big goal. If you wait to know how first, you will never do it and you will never get to know the strategy. The GPS in your car or phone will not give you directions to get across the state until you program in the destination. The same holds true for setting a goal. The directions for getting there come after you program in the destination.
 
Advanced students only: The A could stand for Actionable. You could abandon the entire discussion of attainable, throw caution to the wind and just go for it. All that matters is the goal is actionable – meaning it is something you control – don’t set a goal for your spouse, child, or boss, to be something different. If it is something you can take action on, go for it!
 
R stands for Relevant.  I have always heard other trainers teach that R stands for realistic or reachable – this makes no sense to me, since reachable is a lot like achievable. Redundant, don’t you think? Relevant to what though, you may ask. Relevant to your life purpose, passion and legacy. Relevant to your other goals – are your career goals compatible with your health, relationship, spiritual and personal goals? Who are you? Who do you want to be? What kind of person do you want to have been when your life is over? Are your goals relevant to what really matters and to what is really worth doing in the grand scheme of things? Every time I teach a passion tester life purpose workshop, even the most successful people discover opportunities to bring more joy and meaning into their lives. Relevant may not be the first thing that impresses short-term thinkers, but it is the most sustainable and impactful in the long term.
 
T stands for Timed. This is similar to measurable. Quite simple to apply, and the more detailed you get, the better. Instead of saying “earn $100,000 this year” say “by 5pm, December 20, 2017 or sooner”. If you have a vision of  taking off the rest of the year to enjoy family time, so you will need to create a clear vision of going home to celebrate exceeding your goal by 5pm on the 20th. When you create a clear vision and tie it to the emotions of creating that vision, the goal is even more powerful.
 
So what about things that are not in your control? Market conditions will either make life easier, the same or more difficult. Ever wonder how some people excel during difficult times? Watch less news and spend more time focused on your goals. For example, spending an hour meditating every day may bring the inspiration or idea that allows you to double your income in a down market. This happens all the time. Have you ever spent weeks seeking an answer to something, then all of a sudden out of nowhere, when you are quiet for a moment, the answer just comes to you?
 
My first discovery of this was way back in the recession of 1992. I was managing a travel agency, selling to small corporate accounts in Orlando. The travel business was down, and four nearby travel agencies closed their doors that year. We grew by over $1,000,000 in sales and merged one of the closing offices into ours. While our neighbors were watching the news and anguishing over dropping sales, I was cold calling on businesses who were looking to spend less on travel. They did spend less, and they spent it with me. Subsequently, I have bought and sold twelve homes as a side-line. In recent years, masses of amateur “flippers” watched too much HGTV and with dollar signs in their eyes, paid more than renovation projects were worth. This may or may not help you sell homes. It certainly makes it harder for you and other clients to find quality investments. In a down market, everything changes. In an up market, everything changes again. In business, change is not good or bad, it just is. Change is always an opportunity to the calm mind with a clarity of specific goals.
 
Michael Kline – A Certified Jack Canfield Success Trainer, Speaker & Coach. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life

By Michael Kline
Wisdom says “tomorrow never comes”. Wisdom also says “Failing to plan is planning to fail”.  Of course, wisdom is full of contradictory and confusing concepts. Well, confusing to some of us, and less-so to the more wizened among us. I have heard the expression “tomorrow never comes” thousands of times throughout my life. Such a cliché hardly deserves a serious listen, or does it? I don’t believe I have ever once, stopped to ponder its meaning; either the literal meaning, or the customized meaning for me.
Literally, it is a sarcastically cutesy, pain-in-the-neck expression, isn’t it? To say technically, when tomorrow arrives, you will be calling it “today”, thereby chasing the “tomorrow” reference. It’s like a dog chases its tale and cannot figure out why the tale advances at the same speed he does. I admit, I have been that dog. Ok, I’ll take that one further – I have been that dog a lot! How can we find value in this wisdom so we stop chasing our tale?
What is new and valuable to me, is discovering what I can do right here and right now to experience what I think I should be experiencing tomorrow. Ask yourself what you want for your future. Think about what that is and what it means to you. If you had what you want, then what would you have? What would that get you and what would that mean to you? Then, if you really think about whatever that is, could you not have that right now?  When I do this exercise, the answer is almost always yes. What we really want is right in front of us. Love, health, happiness, joy, are all available to us for the asking.
Working on our careers will take time. Building relationships, making new friends, saving money, losing weight, all take time and we must plan and work and be patient. I have two points about this. One, yes they take time, planning and work. Meanwhile, there is always an action step you can take today to move you in the direction you want, right now. Take the action.  Two, the rewards of this work, ultimately are not the money, the job, the big house or the perfect family. They are peace, joy, love, confidence, happiness… all of which are subjective experiences we think will be easier to find if we had the perfect body, more money and a fancy title. We could choose any of these rewards at any given moment. If we wait until tomorrow, it will look a lot like today. Not only will it be called “today” when you get to tomorrow, as the cliché explains, but more importantly, it will feel just like today. Even when all the planning pays off and you arrive at your future you worked so hard to build, unless you decide to shift your perspective, it will disappoint you.
Tomorrow never comes, yet it never goes away either. It will always be there, either tempting you with either a threat or a promise, depending on whether you choose anxiety or hope. Given its elusive nature, it may inspire you to  look backwards at all the evidence that things will never change, inviting in depression or apathy. The reality is, all of these are mere impressions, or perceptions that we choose in the moment. Perceptions can only be experienced today. Right here, right now. Your life is really just a series of todays. Decide, what will you choose to experience today?
Michael Kline is a Certified RIM Facilitator and Canfield Success Trainer for personal and group transformation. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life.

By Howard Stanten
Like all saboteurs (those voices in our head that resist our connection to our own greatness), “The Procrastinator” tries to protect us and keep us safe and comfortable.  Those of you blessed with “The Procrastinator” know that the more important the task, the more you will hear from this invasive species.  You see “The Procrastinator” looks for things you want to accomplish and then covers them with a green ooze that smells like rotting fish.  The question I hear over and over again is “Why are the things I most want to accomplish so often covered in green ooze that smells like rotting fish?”
The answer just might be found in the belly of a large human eating beast tens of thousands of years ago.  If we were to do an autopsy on this beast, we would find a human who became too curious about the world beyond the cave, took a risk, wandered out into the dark, and…. became supper for a hungry monster.  In those days, life threatening danger lurked under every rock and behind every tree.  And, when the sun went down, it’s a good thing most of our early ancestors stayed in the cave.  We wouldn’t be here today if they had done tonight what could be done tomorrow.
Psychologists have studied procrastination extensively.  There is research that indicates that avoiding what is really important to us (read also: “scary”) is a relatively modern coping mechanism that has evolved to help us avoid the short term stress of facing our fears.  I suggest that this voice may have been lurking in our heads much earlier.
You see, back then, “The Procrastinator” was a life saver.  “Wait until the morning” was a necessary and lifesaving motto to literally live by.  The thing is, today many of us are living our lives in response to a voice whose life saving purpose has largely become irrelevant.   There are very few occasions when we find ourselves actually staring into the mouth of death.  “The Procrastinator,” however, doesn’t know this.  In fact, it can’t.  It’s hard-wired to be that way and lives in a part of our brain meant to protect us.  “Don’t do it Now-You might die!” 
An unfortunate modern-day consequence of listening to “The Procrastinator” is stress.  “The Procrastinator” disconnects us from doing what we want to do.  It gives that task the appearance, and more importantly the emotional feeling, of something we don’t want to do.  Who would energetically do a swan dive into a pool of smelly green ooze?? 
A vicious cycle is produced when we don’t do what is really important to us. We stress over the not doing, delay further, stress more, and on and on.  This stress is associated with feelings like anxiety, boredom, regret, sadness, emptiness, and regret.  Yes, many of us do eventually “get it done,” but we often do so by stuffing these emotions deep inside.  Usually, it’s another saboteur like “The Fear of Failure” that comes to our rescue at the last minute, saving the day.  Relying on fear to push “The Procrastinator” aside releases all kinds of stress hormones that negatively impact our long term mental and physical health.  We may indeed reach a good deal of “success” in life repeating this process, but the cost is high and the payoff in terms of any sense of personal fulfillment is low.
The volume of “The Procrastinator’s” voice for any of us depends on what we’ve been exposed to in our upbringing, and what we’ve inherited in our genes.   The good news is that, through conscious choice, we can access the volume control and turn it down.  When we turn down the volume, the green ooze washes away. Without that mess covering up what’s really important to us, we rush for the diving board, take a strong bounce up, spread our wings, and dive into the crystal clear water.
So, how do we make this conscious choice?  Well, the irony here is we don’t need to do anything more than simply notice our breath.  “The Procrastinator” usually has us running around doing anything but what we really want to do.  To get to what we really want to do, we need to stop everything and do nothing but breathe.  No “to do” list, no organizing the office supply draw, no email, no watching TV, no sleeping. Just breathe.  Here’s the simple formula for what comes next:

• Focus on your breath
• Deepen your in -breath
• Deepen your out- breath
• Repeat 10 times
• Simply notice and experience without judgement how you feel right now

I invite you to give it a try…. now…. Breathe…. Deepen…. Repeat…. Simply Notice
Chances are you feel less stressed, more present, calmer, and more engaged than you did a minute ago.
For those of us that need scientific proof before we change any of our habits, there’s good news that’s been around for a long time.  Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system which is responsible for relaxation.  When we simply notice our emotions without judgement, we make the conscious choice to “be with” rather than “fight” ourselves.  This “being with” frees us to move forward.
When we de-stress, we break the vicious cycle that “The Procrastinator” sets in motion.  Emotions that were previously keeping us stuck become “(E)nergy in (motion.)”  Our capacity to wrap both arms around our higher self comes alive!
Like most things worthwhile in life, practice is the key. So, practice again……………
Now, turn towards the one thing you’ve been avoiding that’s really important for you to do right now and go for it!
 

By Michael Kline
I know you’re stressed and have a million things to do. Be patient. If you get to the end of this article, I promise some new ideas about stress and I promise it’s not diet and exercise. Aaaaaaaaagh!  If you start your sentences with a word that should only appear in comic strips, you might be stressed. If you finish sentences with words that are politely spelled with !&#%*@ symbols, then you might be stressed. If you yell at people, curse traffic, sigh at every inconvenience, say “I need a drink/smoke”, bite
your nails or curl up on the floor in a fetal position in your office, you might be stressed.

The trouble is most of us need our job and our relationships that provide the stressors. We also know that every job and every relationship will have its’ share of stressors anyway.  Did you know that stress, in moderation, can be helpful?  Like a little fear, stress can drive you to be  your best, to stay sharp and focused at work, home, play and in relationships. Like most things that are good for us, too much becomes bad for us. Too much stress can cause a multitude of health problems, including heart disease, digestive troubles, obesity, and skin conditions. Beyond physical health, excessive stress can damage our mental and social wellness too, destroying relationships and leading to anxiety and depression.

Sometimes you get to the point where you can only think of extremely short-term solutions – drink, smoke, fight, quit, run away, lash-out, over eat, or stop eating. I’ve tried most of these quick cures, to no avail. This is where you expect me to say diet and exercise. No, you don’t want to hear that, until you’re ready to hear that – when you are, you’ll do it. It’s not like it’s a secret. Its’ the best cure for nearly everything, but until we develop self-discipline, the mother of all
character strengths, diet and exercise will remain elusive fantasies. Let’s talk about something you can do to manage stress today, that’s fun, creative and instantly rewarding.
1. Stop saying I CAN’T, and ask what CAN I do?  This shift in word use is very powerful.
2. Stress comes when we feel that we are not in control – so what can you do to take some control? Business slow?
Relationship suffering? Take action and do something positive – anything! When you are working on something, it brings hope back into the picture. Hope is a positive start, on which you can build some momentum for more ideas, more effort, more action, and more results with less stress. Procrastination produces just the opposite.
3. Do you work in fear? If you are afraid of speaking up at work, know this – most employers are looking for people who engage and take an interest in making things better. If your company is looking to cut back, they would be wise to cut back the quiet worker who contributes nothing extra. Be the interested employee who contributes ideas. These ideas will reduce your stress because you’ll be working at making the place better, and at the same time will reduce your fear of not being valuable enough.
4. Are you valuable? Yes. I can’t say you are in the right job or industry or relationship, but most of the damage done to us, we do to ourselves. We tell ourselves we aren’t good enough, educated enough, experienced enough, we don’t know the right people, or people don’t like us enough… it’s all crap. Yes, that is the technical jargon used to describe the psychological disorder of not feeling like you are enough. Crap. You are enough. Stop choosing to feel stressed because you let others be in charge. At the very least, you are always in charge of how you feel, so start there. Go do something you love, without fear or a lack of confidence or a feeling of uncertainty stressing you.
5.There is no such thing as certainty. Like most people on this planet, I started out with nothing, had some successes,
some failures, and more successes. The only thing I am sure of, is that I’ll be okay no matter what false sense of security, or false sense of insecurity I feel from time to time. I am in charge of my life, which is a big stress-reducer. I
will mess it up and fix it again and that’s ok. Wherever you are, you are in the right place. How you got here was the right way. Wherever you go is up to you and you can start heading there anytime you’re ready, and that will be the right time.

In conclusion then, my message is to be proactive. Lots of opportunities to reduce stress and create more wellness in your life are being offered by the local non-profit, Evergreen Institute for Wellness, including an Introduction to Meditation for Stress Reduction, a class called Standing in Your Power and more. Their website also offers several free online wellness classes,  visit www.evergreenforwellness.org. 

Thinking of starting a business to take charge of your life? Find out if you should and how best to do it – I’ll be teaching a SCORE start-up workshop Oct 26th. Visit www.mtwashington.score.org. 

Michael Kline is a local retailer, success coach and trainer. He may be reached through his website, www.klineseminars.com, or e-mail, mike@klineseminars.com. 

Conway Daily Sun
August 28, 2013
By Michael Kline
Since the discovery of fire, humans have gathered in circles around the fire to tell stories, share ideas and solve problems. Today, our work circles have morphed into long rectangular tables and the fire has moved to one end, known as the PowerPoint presentation. Various members of the circle no longer tell stories. Instead, one
speaker, who wields the remote control of the presentation slides, tells the story. Not surprisingly, most people think meetings are a waste of time.  At home, the situation is often worse, partly because it is more important and partly because it should be under our own control to do better.  At home, our circle gathering at mealtime is often lost to fast food on the go and eating at different times, with no time for sharing, caring or engaging in real communication. Do these things matter? If so, how do we fix it?

In the work environment, employees are looking for more meaning. Employers are seeking engagement from/with their employees.  Their actions demand compliance, but seldom, if ever, promote engagement.  Is this topic about motivation?   Daniel Pink, in his book Drive, teaches us what science knows that business does not. Science knows that intrinsic motivation is more powerful than extrinsic motivation. Business thinks we are motivated exclusively by
dollar incentives. Science knows that once minimal financial needs are met, money is not an effective motivational tool for most people.  

Far more important, is being part of something important, making a  contribution that matters, having positive relationships and feeling engaged. Think about the best boss you ever had. Chances are, that boss made you feel
great about yourself and brought out the best in you. When you do your best work, I bet you were lost in the work, and did not notice the time passing or other distractions. We call that being in “flow”.Flow cannot be bought with the
promise of a bonus.  Positive relationships, engagement (flow), a sense of meaning and achievement happens
when we turn off the PowerPoint and put the fire back into the center of our circle. (We use a candle as a reminder of the metaphor). It happens when we face each other and we have a different kind of conversation. It happens when we all tell our story with intention and we all listen to one another with attention. I must sound like I just got back from a hippie retreat where we all sat around a circle and sang Kumbaya.  I did, and I highly recommend it to anyone who is wondering what is wrong with his or her business or family. The biggest real-life challenge to this concept is time
and the biggest reward is anything you want.

All this takes time. So we risk productivity and we slow down. When we slow down and have this experience, we learn from one another. We make it safe for quiet people to speak and share their otherwise hidden wisdom.  We identify real problems and solve them, instead of rushing judgments and covering up symptoms. We build trust. When we have trust, we make decisions faster and with more confidence. With trust, everything moves faster and costs less.  In low-trust environments, everything moves more slowly and costs go up. 

Steven Covey, in Predictable Results in Unpredictable Times, calls this “moving at the speed of trust”. When we slow
down, and invest in the painfully slow, but hugely rewarding process of listening to and valuing one another, we actually are speeding things up.

The reward comes in the form of building a team that cares. Actually, we are building a tribe, who lives to come to the circle around the fire and share and care, and contribute their ideas and solve the group’s problems and commit to the collective future and who asks for what they need and who give what they can. We have the power to create such an amazing existence.

I found my inspiration for returning to this seemingly basic, yet complex and ancient idea of gathering and communicating, from the book The Circle Way, a Leader in Every Chair by Christina Baldwin and Ann Linnea. I just returned from The Circle Practicum, a five-day intensive retreat (www.peerspirit.com) with the authors and a group of business people, teachers, legal professionals, ministers and dreamers who were so inspirational, I can’t wait to share more with you. Stay tuned, or contact me for details.

Michael Kline is a local retailer, success coach and trainer. He may be reached through his website, www.klineseminars.com, or e-mail, mike@klineseminars.com.