By Rebecca MacLean and Michael Kline

Let's just call them resistant, rather than uncoachable, shall we?

If you search articles about coaching the “uncoachable”, you will notice many say “These clients aren’t worth the effort.” “Try to avoid those clients, and if you have them, accept that they are not ready for coaching; end the relationship.”

According to John Mattone, a globally respected leadership coach authority, it generally benefits no one to consider a client “uncoachable.”  John goes on to explain “Most of all, successfully coaching the resistant requires understanding the cause of the client’s reticence so that it can be addressed.” Others advise, “The coach must help the client uncover their own intrinsic motivation to change.” But none of them really tell us HOW to do that. The advice is: walk away, refer the client to therapy, or “it just takes time to build trust.” Unfortunately, that doesn’t help you in your next session; it leaves you frustrated and most likely down one paying client.
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The Real Problem
Have you considered the possibility that the client’s resistance is the work they need to tackle? The client isn’t resistant to coaching per se, the resistance is the problem revealing itself to you. 
According to cognitive neuroscientists, people are conscious of only about 5 percent of cognitive activity, so most decisions, actions, emotions, and behavior depends on the 95 percent of brain activity that goes beyond conscious awareness. The late Dr. Robert Zajonc, social psychologist at the University of Michigan, explained “In many cases when people explain why they’ve made a decision, they are simply rationalizing, attributing what sounds like a reasonable basis for what is really a murky, unknowable process.”
Piotr Winkielman, a researcher and professor of psychology at UC San Diego, states, “The affective system responsible for preferences is separate from the cognitive system responsible for inferences; because early affective processes are automatic and therefore inaccessible to higher-order interventions; and because early affective responses are not represented as conscious feelings.”   That’s why your client doesn’t know what’s stopping them, they just reactively resist. 
The Solution
A technique called Regenerating Images in Memory (RIM)® developed by Dr. Deborah Sandella, RN, PhD, makes this murky and unknowable process known. The early affective processes are quickly brought into conscious awareness so that higher-order interventions rewrite the automatic responses and preferences. Using this technique, clients can safely, consciously, and quickly tap into true sub-conscious motivations for behavior, understand the origin, and resolve any that are no longer serving the client. RIM does not require the coach to be the expert. It is a non-threatening, emotionally safe, client-directed process that navigates directly the root cause of resistance, making the “uncoachable” not only coachable but on a direct path to change. It is important to note that this process is not as complex as it may seem at first, and can be done within the boundaries of coaching. RIM does not require therapy skills and is careful in its training to draw clear lines separating mental health issues from coaching work.
RIM utilizes the client’s imagination, body sensations and images to bring the sub-conscious into awareness. “Language is limited,” Gerald Zaltman, an emeritus professor from the Harvard Business School says, "and it can't be confused with the thought itself. Images, however, can capture unconscious feelings, often discovering a core; a deep metaphor simultaneously embedded in a unique setting."
Dr. Sandella explains how RIM utilizes those images for healing and creating behavior change. “The latest neuro-science findings support the efficacy of RIM® by explaining that the brain and nervous system is “plastic” or changeable. Since the brain registers an imagined experience similar to a real experience, we can re-generate emotional memory to create neuro-pathways for new endings to old stories. All the while, factual memory remains stable. During the RIM® process clients integrate a new felt body-experience that translates to automatic or reflexive behavioral, physical, and psychological changes.” This transforms the uncoachable client’s subconscious resistance into drive and motivation so your coaching can gain traction.
Rebecca MacLean www.macleanlifecoaching.com and Michael Kline www.intus.life are Master Certified RIM Facilitators, who love hosting retreats, teaching, supporting coaches and playing in the world of personal and professional growth.

By Michael Kline
When we conjure up an image up a leader in business, we might see the stereotypical tall, white man, with chiseled jaw, expensive suit, power tie, you get the picture – a sort of super-hero with an MBA and an unhealthy amount of confidence matched only by his lack of compassion. The strong, results-oriented driver personality, win at all costs, take no prisoners, bottom-line boss image can provide a sense of comfort to employees, investors and clients alike, especially when feeling anxious about the future. It makes sense to our primal nature that a strong leader can solve our problems and keep us safe.
 
No offense to tall people or nice suits, I happen to like both. The problem with becoming a leader (boss), or choosing our leaders with this mindset, is that our tribe isn’t fighting off wild animals and other invading tribes. Of course we all feel fearful at times, and of course it’s natural to respond to fear from the reptilian part of our brain that says we need power or protection to overcome whatever it is we fear.
 
A research team at Cornell University studied the leadership styles, backgrounds and track records of 72 senior executives across 31 companies and concluded that harsh, hard-driving, executives actually diminish the bottom line, while self-aware leaders with strong interpersonal skills produced better financial results. “Bully traits that are often seen as part of a business-building culture were typically signs of incompetence and lack of strategic intellect. Such weaknesses as being arrogant, too direct or impatient and stubborn, correlated with low ratings for delivering financial results, business/technical acumen, strategic intellect, and, not surprisingly, managing talent, inspiring followership, and being a team player.”  There is a better way.
 
While Self-awareness get little attention in the business world, the Cornell study reveals that it should actually be a top concern. High self-awareness scores were the best predictor of overall success. It makes sense that executives who are aware of the lenses through which they filter their perceptions and assumptions might have a more honest grasp of reality, affecting their relationships, decisions and actions. Further, having realistic confidence and an awareness of their own limitations would allow them to hire subordinates who complement their talents.
 
According to Daniel Goleman, renowned Emotional Intelligence expert, “self-awareness is the skill that requires the most patience and honesty, and provides the best foundation for further developing Emotional and Social Intelligence in both work and life situations.” 
 
It seems that soft values drive hard results.
 
Goleman’s research colleague, Richard Davidson, a neuroscientist at the University of Wisconsin, explains the mind-body connection of self-awareness. “We know that Emotional Self-Awareness can begin with sensations in your body or with your thoughts. When emotions are activated, they are accompanied by bodily changes. There may be changes in breathing rate, in muscle tension, in heart rate. Emotional Self-Awareness in part is the awareness of one's own body.”
 
As a RIM practitioner (Regenerating Images in Memory), I learned this from my teacher and mentor Dr. Deb Sandella, founder of The RIM Institute and author of Goodbye Hurt and Pain. It’s called interoception, the sensing of feelings as they flow through the body, bringing helpful feedback, if we pay attention. With RIM, we guide clients to use body sensing to tap into these usually unnoticed emotions.
 
The subconscious speaks in metaphors and images while the intellect speaks in thoughts and words. When we use imagination to translate and synthesize feelings, a whole-brain experience is created. The results are profound. Neuroscience explains how it works—this ability to change our emotional memory to create new endings to old stories that shape our self-concept, world-views and limiting beliefs.  All the while factual memory remains intact and the client remains in total control. In addition to relieving stress, anxiety, emotional and physical pain, the client enjoys increased internal insight, resourcefulness and self-awareness. 
 
Because emotional work is invisible and intangible, it can seem complicated, difficult to measure, time-consuming, expensive, and unrelated to the bottom line. The opposite is actually true. In reality, results can be simple, quick and easy. New methods such as RIM, can produce immediate results in improved self-awareness, which is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence, repeatedly shown to influence job satisfaction and job performance for employees and effectiveness for leaders.
 
For more information about leadership and team development or RIM, visit www.intus.life/RIM or email mike@intus.life.